Hi Ryan…..Im so sorry you are having these feelings about yourself and in so much pain. Earlier this year I went thru something similar with a relationship ending after 5 years. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. It took away my confidence and left me so confused and hurt. Somewhere inside of me i know it was only real to me not him. My heart wants to believe something different but my mind knows better. It sounds as though this may have thrown you into a depression and you wouldn’t be the first to have that happen. I think for now you just need to focus on you. You need to heal. You say there are glimpses of progress, well thats a start! Baby steps right now. I understand how fear can paralyze you and thats a very scary feeling. This IS just a moment in time for you..as hard as it is now it will get better. This website has helped me so much, so I’m glad you are here. You know theres a song…every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end…might sound a little trite but its true. You are on a new journey and you don’t know where it will lead you. You have a purpose and a place and so much to offer I think you just need to heal and that takes time. But it will happen. Please don’t be so hard on yourself..remind yourself of all your wonderful qualities. I believe sometimes we go thru pain and feeling hopeless only to rebound and find something amazing and wonderful on the other side. You aren’t alone and you don’t have to find all the answers at once. Be at peace be still and know the answers will come when u least expect it but when you need it most the answers will come. Soak in the positive things on this site I promise it helps. I promise I will think of you and send good thoughts your way. Im rooting for you. Take care.

pam……………..sorry so long!