Beth,

In addition to the other great words and resources given, also consider expressing, heartfelt and often, how you love the whole of her. When “imperfections” drive a need to control, sometimes its the push to avoid losing love. “If I am perfect, I’ll be loved”. Let her know its unneeded, your arms open to success and mistake alike, and perhaps her pressure to be perfect will diminish some. Perhaps be really tender with any “achievement” encouragement, and focus more on the exploration, growth and fun. “You looked like you had fun, and ran your heart out!” rather than “You won!” Or “You need 1800 calories!” vs “seeing you eat that warms my heart”.

Also, consider trusting your hugs more. 🙂 Your heart has the strength to pour gentle light, like a feeling of home, in more than just your words, actions, etc. Sometimes, words just get in the way, some feelings are expressed best silently. Also, a hug is a good sense of what you can do with the worry, let it rest in hope of miracles and grace, of a mother’s love conquering all, of her and her sunshine. It’ll help make sure your warmth is there when the time comes to give a hug proper. 🙂

With warmth,
Matt