Petra,
I am the husband who had a similar situation to yours. I didn’t see the hurt my family was causing my wife. Long story short, I had to choose, wife and my children or people who never accepted my wife. I chose my wife and the family I built with her. It’s been over a year with no contact with my family and it is better that way. It was difficult at the time but it was the best move for my immediate family. I didn’t realize that I didn’t have her back and I was very conflicted about losing my family but if they could not accept my wife and respect her then they were out of my life. If he won’t do it then the stress will never end and you will pay the price by yourself.