Hi Claire,

This is quite a tough situation that you are in. I myself felt the same way about my ex girlfriend whom I met in 1st year university 4 years ago. I was coming from never having been intimate with anybody that much, and she had lost her virginity at 16 to an asshole she dated through highschool, who cheated on her once and was generally not very good of a person. I was mad at her, that she let herself be used and I was mad at her for so easily giving herself up to some idiot. I was extremely unhappy with our relationship at the time because of her past.

However, at the time, she also was so in love with me and was crazy about me, willing to do anything to stay with me and always reminding me how sorry she is about her past and how much she valued me, Just like your partner seems to be feeling. This is not exactly the same situation, but I can relate a little bit here.

Anyway, in time, we shared more and more memories together and I forgave her for her past, both to her, and more importantly : within myself. That is, I allowed myself to accept that the present reality was that this girl was with me and she loved me dearly.

Clare, I believe that you should accept within yourself your own present reality too. He is yours, other women can only stare in jealousy when they see you two so happy with each other. You have so much in the relationship (as you have described), if you get these negative feelings, don’t bottle them up. Allow yourself to explain them to your partner, and allow him the chance to reassure you of his love for you.

Forgiveness is power, the power to let go of the past, and move on with your bright future :). It is not easy to forgive, but it is worth it. Also, and most importantly Clare: slowly but surely forgive yourself for feeling guilty about this situation. You cannot let this consume you, and do not keep blaming yourself for all this.

Have confidence in yourself, and love yourself. I will tell you now, that if you become majorly dependent on your partner for happiness and feelings of self worth, then you will fall hard one day and things will not end well for you. But if you take time everyday to train your mind to think positively about yourself, then you will not have this problem.

These feelings that youre not good enough ultimately come from personal insecurity in my opinion (which I still have myself in some ways). So now that we’ve rooted out this key problem, we can easily focus our energy into solving it!

So again, be confident in yourself and start to accept the truth: the truth by the way is that (there is probably even more but I don’t know you personally so I cant say more, but you can!) you are a loyal, respectful and beautiful person who believes in self respect and dignity. Learn to remember the amazing truths about yourself.

I believe that if your hearts are in the right place, then you two can easily work this out :).

Forgive, and have unbreakable confidence in yourself Clare! It won’t happen overnight, but when you attain these, then they will last a lifetime.

Sincerely,

Singh

• This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by SIngh.