Forum Replies Created
March 31, 2015 at 10:52 am #74723
Yea long time man, I am doing well, a few weeks ago I had an interview for the job I really wanted but I ended up screwing it up be being way too honest and making myself look bad. I was extremely disappointed and felt like crap, I kinda still do but I know its a fleeting state so it will pass. I went on a volunteer trip to Nepal the weekend after and just got back home a few days ago, back to reality.
I myself am in a bit of a rut, as most of my future plans for this year broke since I did not get that job, but I know that everything happens for a reason and I am still quite young for the position so I am doing my best to mature and grow in the mean time, and do the right things.
It’s crazy how time has passed so fast isn’t it? What happened between now and your last post? You were seeing each other and hanging out a bit right?
If that got worse and you two got hurt again, then I am sorry to hear that man. However, no matter what, I will still stick to what I believe about breakups and that is that you need to cut off the contact, for good until you are completely detached (which I am not, though we broke up in September, but I know it will come despite relapses in the way I think and how I sometimes Idolize the past on occasion).
Let us know how you are doing right now, what is new with you?
Always great to hear from you man
SinghMarch 15, 2015 at 9:19 pm #73961
Molly, just do you for now. You have a long life ahead of you, you two may or may not cross paths again, you two may or may not find love in each other again, anything is possible.
However, you close many doors if you don’t take this time to work on you. Be the best you can be, the answer to you question is yes it is possible, now leave that behind and focus on your life. If it is meant to be then you two may see each other again.March 5, 2015 at 3:08 pm #73604
emma88, thanks for the useless comment, its clear that you are just spamming this site and every forum topic to advertise your cheap site. Be considerate of others and refrain from commenting unless you ACTUALLY have something helpful to say.
I’m sure this won’t stop you but I just wanted to put it out there any way.March 2, 2015 at 4:01 pm #73445
I understand where you are coming from, especially when you feel like you have been wronging by the other. My ex broke up with me back in September and I too was very hurt and angry. This cocktail of emotions will subside in time, be sure of that. However, you CAN speed it up and get on with your life.
Here is the way that I looked at it and how I dealt with my own break up, perhaps this can help you:
After finding myself single after almost four years, I had a lot of time on my hands and a lot of resources freed up to use for myself and bettering myself. In fact, only after the break up did I finally start searching for what I would like to do in my life career-wise. I spent and continue to spend a lot of my time working on myself and my goals.
Molly, try writing your feelings down in a word document, just like you did here, every week, and see how they change and progress. When I look back at what I wrote its incredible to see how far I have come since then, and you will too. Do you have a career that you would like to start? Do you have physical fitness goals that you have been ignoring since you were in a relationship?
All in all, this break up Molly, is a blessing to you.
You must not think of this as a “problem”, a “rut” or anything negative that puts you down. In fact, the truth is only this: This event and the subsequent situation that you are in right now is an OPPORTUNITY. That’s right, this is the universe kicking you in the butt a little and giving you a chance to move on to the bigger and better things in life that you must accomplish.
The reason I say this is because its so hard for people to change, to become better and better. Thus I see only two ways people will change:
1. They actually consciously decide to (this is ridiculously hard and rare) or 2. Something happens, an even or situation, that makes it NECESSARY for you to change and grow.
This necessity will drive you Molly, you are feeling down right now, you have a NEED, that need is to be happy and prosperous. That is why I say that you have an opportunity here.
As far as techniques go: please look up on “affirmations” and begin them and repeat them daily whenever possible. Also, I don’t care if the only running you do is for the bus: I advise that you start (if you don’t already) some physical activity and stick to it. This will make you feel fantastic and in no time your vitality will increase from the gains you have made physically.
Also, I like to read books (well, I do now that I am single hahaha), I’d like to suggest some great self-help ones: Think and Grow Rich, How to Win Friends and Influence People, The Luck Factor (this is an audiobook series, and take away what you want from it as some things I do not agree with but the overall statements are solid).
So Molly, enrich your life and start working on yourself! This is an opportunity, it is huge and it is at your feet, do not let it slip!
I like to say this: if you are comfortable, then you are missing out on opportunities, you may have been very comfortable in your relationship, and that comfort can be dangerous because we lose the will to step boldly into the unknown and achieve more.
Also, check out Eric Thomas, he is a phenomenal motivational speaker and he speaks the truth, and I know things are easier said than done, but you can do it!
Please keep us updated on your status over the coming weeks and months. There is so much you can learn and achieve, now is the time to do it!
SinghNovember 15, 2014 at 4:47 pm #67901
I can certainly understand somewhat how you are feeling. From the what you’ve said, it seems as though you are in highschool right now. I am not trying to demean your feelings or imply that they are any lesser because of your age but I do want to say that you have a very bright future ahead of you and what seems like an eternity of suffering right now will soon feel like a blurr of a memory that happened almost an eternity ago. So rest assured that time heals all. You can however, accelerate your healing and happiness.
I have to ask, was this past relationship an overall very negative and bad experience for you or would you say it was great for the most part? Whichever the answer is, you two undoubtedly had many experiences together and thus had a huge connection. It is hard to severe these kinds of ties in your heart sometimes, it truly is.
Please do not put a time frame on your healing, there is NO one right answer to any question that will perfectly address everybody. You WILL heal and be happy, but when this becomes absolute, nobody knows so stay true to yourself and make intelligent decisions. Hold your head above your heart for now, because you are in a vulnerable position as long as you are hurt.
So in response to “Is it normal even after two months to break down and want to cry for days at a time? Is it normal to want to isolate myself?” :
There is no normal and nobody can answer that time question. It is completely alright for you to isolate yourself sometimes and just be with you, in fact it is very healthy to become comfortable and happy just be being with yourself, because that demonstrates that you truly love yourself and you are all you need to be happy.
I would suggest, as hard as it may be, to take this time to work on yourself and be utterly happy with just being you. I say this because it is so easy to just jump into another relationship after a break up. But is this really genuine? are you really going into this new relationship as a whole person who is happy with herself who doesnt NEED another person, but rather wants to be with him? You should ask yourself this difficult question and answer honestly.
Had I jumped into a new relationship after my breakup more than two months ago, then i would have probably never worked on myself and have come as far as I have now. So beware of just being ‘comfortable’, it is always easier to do than to go off on our own journey ourselves, but it also hinders us sometimes from becoming all that we can be.
Megan, I also occasionally think about my ex girlfriend, ok maybe a little more than “occasionally”, and it makes me feel very nostalgic and weird. I combat this by reminding myself everyday that I am better than that and I am worth way more, I affirm this daily and you should too. That is, use AFFIRMATIONS (look this up, theres some great text on this subject on this site). Keep doing what you are doing right and meeting new people and being friendly and smiling, that is great and you have clearly taken the right steps!
The mind can ONLY concentrate on ONE thing at a time, and YOU can decide what you think about in any given moment. So immerse yourself in your hobbies, music, sports, school (yes, i said it, school! I am assuming youd like to go to university so destroy that math class!).
Lastly, exercise , when you get your blood flowing, you become super happy and optimistic, whenever you get into a slump, do some exercise!
Write down your goals, figure out what you want in life and work towards them, you will be so occupied with bettering yourself that you will not have time to focus on the past! Its all about perspective, you must see this stage of your life, this breakup, as an OPPORTUNITY, an opportunity to do you, and focus on what you want most :), then go out and get it :).
You can do this, and will most certainly get through it and end up better than ever 🙂 .
Don’t hesitate to share any bad days or thoughts that are hurting you, there are tons of great people here who can give you some great insight and help you realize everything is going to be OK (or more accurately, more than ok: great!)
SinghNovember 8, 2014 at 3:32 pm #67535
career changes aren’t as crazy as they sound these days and they are very common. That being said, what ever you decide to do, I am certain that your science background will come into play at some point, you may not see it now, but it sure will. Heres my brief story on this whole change in passion thing: I graduated in my BSc, jumped right into a year long Accounting program to become a CPA, and am now pursuing my dream of becoming a police officer, which I know I will get. That being said, I am certainly going to finish what is left of my accounting diploma because it will be valuable to me when I am being considered for promotion in my police career. Finish your masters, whilst finding what makes you happy and pursuing it.
Your science expertise going into arts will show that you are very educated and thus reputable, and also very well rounded, no, I am not calling you fat! I mean well rounded in terms of experience in different fields of study.
November 8, 2014 at 3:05 pm #67532
- This reply was modified 9 years ago by SIngh.
I just want to emphasize again, as I read what Kevin said above: FIND what makes YOU happy 🙂
November 8, 2014 at 3:04 pm #67531
- This reply was modified 9 years ago by SIngh.
I am not sure what happened in the relationship part that you mentioned above but I am assuming that the two of you broke up and it is hurting you right now.
So I will give you my two-cents on this. I went through a break up over two months ago with a girl I was with for almost four years. It hurt me too, all of it. However, long story short: had I remained in that relationship, I would NOT be where I am now.
Where I am now: self-dependent, working towards my dream-career of becoming a police officer, making new friends and overall loving my life and what is to come. I became dependent on my last relationship, I became comfortable and thus I never worked hard for what I really want in life. It is something that happens to the best of us.
What I did to overcome my grief of that break up was the following:
First and foremost, I realized that I was being held back all this time, I realized that I can be so much more and now that I am free, I can work towards my dreams.
I revamped my gym routine, I now go almost everyday and I go hard, I have also begun running a lot, which is preparing me for the police physical test but also making me healthier and livelier than I have ever been in my life.
I am volunteering on the eastside, whilst meeting like-minded people along the way whom I have made friends with, some who I now run with too.
I wrote down all my goals and I read them twice everyday and I also plan out how I will achieve these goals. Try writing out right now 10 goals which you would like to achieve in the next 12 months (12 months will go by super fast).
I created and constantly repeat affirmations (look up affirmations, these are extremely powerful tools for anybody, and you should use them too). Simply saying “im the best” to yourself and repeating it will work wonders for you, believe me, because you are.
I joined this forum and shared my thoughts with others.
I started to read books such as “how to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie . I highly recommend this book for everybody, its a very genuine and fact-based book.
I also listen to Brian Tracy’s audiobook “the luck factor” and that is also pretty awesome, you can easily find the torrent for free.
all in all, these steps have changed me and I now have a very positive vibe around me. and you know what? That positive vibe just attracts more positive events in my life everyday.
So Steve, this is all in your head man, conquer your mind, and all else will fall into place. Search for what you really want, you may desire a career change, that is ok, work towards it. DO go to the gym and get ripped, it will be super fun and rewarding, not to mention the high you get after working out. Spend time with family and friends, and perhaps volunteer too. Listen to great motivational speakers, you can just youtube this kind of stuff and get it on your phone.
Once you get back on your feet and start loving yourself (which I know you will), you’ll become a better man than you ever thought possible and great things will come your way, the world can sense when people are positive and happy with themselves, it can also sense those who are negative. Be positive, your mind may refute the idea of positivity at first, but as long as you are persistent with affirmations and all the other cool thing you will do, it will no choice but to give in and accept that you are a happy and lively young man.
This is your opportunity for greatness, I realized mine and I took it and I am on the high road, now its your turn, seize this time to better yourself and find out what you want in life, and be specific. It will all come to you if you work at it.
SinghNovember 8, 2014 at 2:46 pm #67530
Don’t bother reading this guys crap ^, hes just spamming this website to get views for his own poorly-written site.November 2, 2014 at 11:14 pm #67227
I’m doing well man, in fact, better than ever. My break up has brought me more focus and passion than I have ever had in my life. Both my parents and friends have told me how much better I seem now that I am single. I am focusing my time on finishing my school and training for the physical test in my city to become a police officer, even thinking about it gets me excited every day!
I know that I would not have grown and trained enough to pursue this career had I still been in that old relationship so I am now seeing this break as a blessing.
That is awesome that you are taking the time to serve others. Truly, it does more to serve you than it does to others, as you feel good about it and you feel enriched in the process, no need to explain it man, I know the feeling too, and its great 🙂 .
I’m glad to hear that you are meeting with your ex, I am sure that you are doing feels best right now, but please take care and guard your heart man, its so easy to fall back into comfort. Continue to work on yourself and improve all aspects of your life, I’m glad that you’re doing well. When you become the best that you can be, you’ll find that the great things in the world come to you, as opposed as you chasing them!
Great to hear from you,
SinghOctober 28, 2014 at 1:50 pm #66939
Seriously? Amul, don’t go advertising that junk here, plus, your English is terrible. If you’re not here to post constructive thoughts then you should not be here. You website is horrible, stop wasting space on this site.October 27, 2014 at 11:21 pm #66903
Its been a while man, how are you doing these days? Give us an update!October 18, 2014 at 4:20 pm #66433
This is quite a tough situation that you are in. I myself felt the same way about my ex girlfriend whom I met in 1st year university 4 years ago. I was coming from never having been intimate with anybody that much, and she had lost her virginity at 16 to an asshole she dated through highschool, who cheated on her once and was generally not very good of a person. I was mad at her, that she let herself be used and I was mad at her for so easily giving herself up to some idiot. I was extremely unhappy with our relationship at the time because of her past.
However, at the time, she also was so in love with me and was crazy about me, willing to do anything to stay with me and always reminding me how sorry she is about her past and how much she valued me, Just like your partner seems to be feeling. This is not exactly the same situation, but I can relate a little bit here.
Anyway, in time, we shared more and more memories together and I forgave her for her past, both to her, and more importantly : within myself. That is, I allowed myself to accept that the present reality was that this girl was with me and she loved me dearly.
Clare, I believe that you should accept within yourself your own present reality too. He is yours, other women can only stare in jealousy when they see you two so happy with each other. You have so much in the relationship (as you have described), if you get these negative feelings, don’t bottle them up. Allow yourself to explain them to your partner, and allow him the chance to reassure you of his love for you.
Forgiveness is power, the power to let go of the past, and move on with your bright future :). It is not easy to forgive, but it is worth it. Also, and most importantly Clare: slowly but surely forgive yourself for feeling guilty about this situation. You cannot let this consume you, and do not keep blaming yourself for all this.
Have confidence in yourself, and love yourself. I will tell you now, that if you become majorly dependent on your partner for happiness and feelings of self worth, then you will fall hard one day and things will not end well for you. But if you take time everyday to train your mind to think positively about yourself, then you will not have this problem.
These feelings that youre not good enough ultimately come from personal insecurity in my opinion (which I still have myself in some ways). So now that we’ve rooted out this key problem, we can easily focus our energy into solving it!
So again, be confident in yourself and start to accept the truth: the truth by the way is that (there is probably even more but I don’t know you personally so I cant say more, but you can!) you are a loyal, respectful and beautiful person who believes in self respect and dignity. Learn to remember the amazing truths about yourself.
I believe that if your hearts are in the right place, then you two can easily work this out :).
Forgive, and have unbreakable confidence in yourself Clare! It won’t happen overnight, but when you attain these, then they will last a lifetime.
October 3, 2014 at 12:59 am #65943
- This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by SIngh.
Brother, let me just clarify some things here for you that you just said. #1: The only time (and I’m actually serious here, honest) that you will be a disappointment here or anywhere is IF you give up on life. I am not sure where you are getting the idea that you are a disappointment because you are alive and breathing. You’ve been fighting and fighting. The thing is, you can’t see the end of the tunnel yet, you’re fighting but you have no idea when you’ll strike your moment. No one does, and often people give up moments away from hitting the “prize”. Just because you can’t see a solution yet does not warrant your failure nor does it mean that you should give up.
If you want to ruin the lives of your family, friend, all loved ones, then all you have to do is give up on life. Think about who’s lives are also going to end if you did that, honestly. think about it. If I gave up on my life right now, I tell you, there would be two other deaths in my family: my mother and my father.
keep posting here whenever and however often you like. You could be steps away from a breakthrough, but you’ll NEVER know if you give up now. If you can’t make yourself smile at this moment, then take that moment and make others smile.
you’d rather be dead than average? snap out of it man. do the things you need to do to get out of this, it will take time. Patience is the key. Nothing will happen in a day. And you know what? when you get through this, you’ll be miles higher than “average”.
“I am beyond helping” is proof that it is all in your mind. All of us on the outside, we know that you can get through this. But you are telling yourself that you can’t. When you tell yourself things, then you begin to believe them, seriously. You have got to flush them out of your mind and tell yourselfthat you can get through this. when you say these things then you hear them, and when you hear them then you believe them. When you believe that you can get out of this, then rest assured that you will my friend. This fight is in your mind sir, as it always has been, and always is with all adversity.
Cheer up, I wish i had a dog! What kind of dog do you have by the way?
Please do reply, it makes my day hearing back from posts on this site. So if you’d like to make me smile at least, then do reply 🙂September 23, 2014 at 1:41 pm #65432
You say your girlfriend doesn’t NEED you. Good, that is great, for if she NEEDED you then you’d be in a bad relationship. Fact is, she wants you, and that is healthy.