I think that you should begin to flip you perspective and energies. All the embarrassment and hurt you’re carrying, use it to feed your drive. Use it to FIND your drive, and then use it to feed it.

You want to be independent? Then Try to figure out ways to make more money, figure out ways to get another job or to move up in your current one, bulk up your savings account, manage your money and solely focus on moving out and becoming independent.

You have all this energy in you, but if you continue to feed it with negative thoughts, that all you’ll do. create a negative person with no drive or motivation. I know this myself believe me! But if you start to shift your perspective to positive thoughts, by becoming more mindful to your negative ones, realising when you’re putting yourself down and changing the thought, you’ll start to think a little happier, and you’ll start to think “maybe I can do this”, and you’ll begin to find a motivation to succeed where you want to be. It is difficult, but it’s what you’ve gotta do, otherwise you’ll end up not reaching where you want to be.

Hope it all goes well for you!