- This topic has 10 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 8 months ago by Anonymous.
October 26, 2014 at 2:15 pm #66836AnonymousInactive
Since my early teens I have suffered from severe addiction issues and spent most of my twenties signed off work as well as being sectioned under the mental health act twice.
My mother and brother asked me to leave home when I was 21 and after getting assaulted in the house where I moved to, I got taken in by my grandparents.
I have been at my first real job in years for one year now. My colleagues range from late teens to mid twenties and are all much more experienced or qualified than me. All except the youngest drive themselves to work and everyone is generally secure in life.
Part of my job involves picking up everyone else’s trash and having to rely on my Grandma to take me to and from work each day at 31 is getting more and more humiliating every day. I have already been put back on one type of medication and will most probably be put on additional in a couple of days time.
I just want to share my situation because I’m starting to get troubled thoughts all the time now with no-one to talk to and am wondering if anyone has anything to say that can help.October 26, 2014 at 11:28 pm #66855lil.lilyParticipant
I think you are doing fine. I am 22 and I am deeply troubled at times. I was never an addict, but I was a recreational user. I am only troubled with deep thoughts.
But.. I would like to address that you should focus more on what you want in life, what would you want to see your life be instead of feeling humiliated.
For me, I get confused too, but I know what I was as of now, being 22October 27, 2014 at 2:03 am #66860AnonymousInactive
What is the one utmost “Passion” You have ? . It may be anything “Music” , “Sports” , “Fame” , “Social Work” etc.
Now live Just For That passion ANd care for nothing else .October 27, 2014 at 3:56 am #66864AnonymousInactive
Thanks for your replies.
My main life goal at present is to be independent. To simply have a place of my own where I can feel safe, cook for myself and relax. My wages are too low to achieve this for at least another year but in all probability a lot longer.
Living with this understanding also deeply saddens me as I believe I will never have a meaningful relationship until I reach independence, which is nowhere in the near future, and I already feel very lonely.
I am trying to think of an answer to your question but I really can’t think of anything yet.October 27, 2014 at 12:52 pm #66882JadeParticipant
I once read an advice column that explained that unfortunately, for some of us, someone turned the difficultly level on the video game of life to Extreme. It’s tough, it’s a challenge, but I don’t think the point is to beat the game, that’s not what life is about. The point is to give it your best effort, to try your best and know that given the circumstances you’ve done the most that you could do.
It’s okay to be in your 30s and not Have It Together. I have friends who were moved out and working and married at 25. I have friends who are 37 and unemployed living with their elderly parents. Comparing your life to others is the easiest way to kill any gratitude for your own successes. Compare your life now to where you were 5 or 10 years ago. You don’t need to follow the script others or society gives you, follow what makes sense to your own heart.October 28, 2014 at 12:36 pm #66936AnonymousInactive
Really good perspective Jade, thanks 🙂October 30, 2014 at 2:33 am #67021SammyParticipant
I think that you should begin to flip you perspective and energies. All the embarrassment and hurt you’re carrying, use it to feed your drive. Use it to FIND your drive, and then use it to feed it.
You want to be independent? Then Try to figure out ways to make more money, figure out ways to get another job or to move up in your current one, bulk up your savings account, manage your money and solely focus on moving out and becoming independent.
You have all this energy in you, but if you continue to feed it with negative thoughts, that all you’ll do. create a negative person with no drive or motivation. I know this myself believe me! But if you start to shift your perspective to positive thoughts, by becoming more mindful to your negative ones, realising when you’re putting yourself down and changing the thought, you’ll start to think a little happier, and you’ll start to think “maybe I can do this”, and you’ll begin to find a motivation to succeed where you want to be. It is difficult, but it’s what you’ve gotta do, otherwise you’ll end up not reaching where you want to be.
Hope it all goes well for you!October 31, 2014 at 12:53 pm #67108AnonymousInactive
Thank you Sammy for your advice. I do try to use the negative feelings as a drive to make things more positive. As for making more money, I can’t really see it happening. I really love my job but am moving up at a very slow pace as my work place does not have the resources to train me any quicker and I am only one of several full time employees. To have a bit more time to myself I now take the long bus journey to and from work during the week and cycle at the weekend as there is no public transport then. I’m really not feeding my energy with negative thoughts, more trying to combat the negative aspects of my life with positive thoughts though it is really hard sometimes, especially like today when I gave a friendly smile to someone then had a colleague walk past saying ‘keep on smiling’. I already know I can do this, it’s just that I feel a lot of negative energy from this person. With my job being extremely physically tiring l anyway, I find the mental exhaustion on top leaves me completely exhausted and slightly saddened by the end of the day.October 31, 2014 at 1:16 pm #67111TirParticipant
Jonathan, I couldn’t help but smile thinking of you smiling at someone else when you are feeling a little sad. That is inspiring. It means you have a sweet and kind spirit. I think expectations of where we should be in life is a joy killer. We aren’t all the same. We all don’t need to be a certain place or have certain things by a certain age. You mentioned freedom and independence and I just want to say that having your license and driving a car can give you autonomy but it can also be very isolating. With your grandmother driving you, you have time with her, which may not seem important right now, but as someone who lost her grandmother, I would give anything for one more car ride with my grandmother. People who drive feel the same as you do too. They feel sad and despondent and like they aren’t living up to potential. I always think that as long as we are living with intention to be kind and productive, giving smiles and being warm, we are succeeding. Life is short. No one says I wish I had made more money at the end of their life. They say I wish I had enjoyed the everyday little things more. You are doing just fine. You sound like a really wonderful person.November 1, 2014 at 12:45 pm #67124AnonymousInactive
I had just sat down for a coffee break today when a client entered the room and started up a friendly conversation with a good colleague of mine. As this person said something to me a few months ago which had caused me a lot of sorrow I began to feel worried but instead found your post and it filled me with great encouragement; thank you so much for your kind words.
I know what you mean about appreciating the time with my grandmother, but it can also get a bit tedious too. Sometimes you need a bit of space from someone to appreciate them, I’m sure you understand what I mean. I am okay with travelling by myself now and feel full of endorphines after the 8km cycle home tonight.
You were also right about the people who drive feeling the same. As I was leaving my senior colleague told me how she was going home for an hours sleep and then had to babysit for the night and wished her life was more exciting. Even though she earns a lot more than me and is very independent she still struggles, like us all I guess.January 5, 2015 at 10:48 am #66883LauraParticipant
It sounds like you have overcome quite a lot! I think it is quite admirable that you have remained at this current job for a year now. I know it is hard to focus on that achievement when you see others that you may think are doing “better” than you. Comparing yourself to others can rob you of your own achievements. You’ll find MANY articles discussing that on this site. http://tinybuddha.com/?s=comparison
Do you happen to have access to a bus line or a bike? Perhaps you start there in getting out on your own more.
I hope you can start to see how amazing it is that you are where you are while still getting yourself to where you want to be.