Menu

lil.lily

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 28 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #370983
    lil.lily
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you. I gave the piece of advice to my therapist. I will look into the guided meditations that you recommended. I hope to heal and have let this inner-child come to the past, yet I am afraid it will continue to manifest. I appreciate your help and time in my experience. I truly do.

    Yuri

    #370928
    lil.lily
    Participant

    It’s the black and white perception

    #370927
    lil.lily
    Participant

    I also tend to see the goodness of people. So, when I feel betrayed, then my anger lashes out. It’s the same for friends or with men in general.

    #370926
    lil.lily
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    That was really helpful. Thank you so much. I truly appreciate your analysis and insights. You stated that you also suffer from BPD but it no longer lingers you. How do you did you manage to get it out? I couldn’t understand why I felt this way for such a long time until my former therapist told me so. I want to be satisfied with life, but yet I don’t.

    I have high expectations for myself (probably influenced by my parents, mother esp) I understand my inner-child yearns for more, yearns to feel “complete.” How do I heal this pain? I suffer from it. I believe that to be true.

    I don’t want it to take over me for the rest of my life. What are your strategies? What are your coping mechanisms?

    I have built good relationships with friends, peers, colleagues over time.

    I know, I will soon finish another master’s program, and I will have a professional degree in nursing (helping others) and I don’t want this pain to manifest. I know that I am empathetic bc of my upbringing. I chose this profession to alleviate the suffering experienced by others and to make sure they are not abandoned. I am scared that it will manifest and also that I can’t have a secure romantic relationship. I don’t want to be cursed. I want to heal.

    I appreciate you so much, Anita.

     

    #370884
    lil.lily
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I was diagnosed by my former therapist a year ago with BDP traits. I had a 4 year on and off relationship with a significant other. We broke up the second time because I found out he replaced me with another girl. This resulted in depression and a verbal fight in the car with my mother. I jumped out of the car because she kept telling me to just “get over it.” I still have a relationship with this person, but more like friends, not so much romantic.

    My parents separated when I was around 5-6 years old. My mom left to work in the US when I was living in a different country. My dad lived in Japan. I lived with my aunt till I was 9. I didn’t know till recently, a year ago that it made an impact in my life.

    My mom worked a lot. My dad lives in a different country (see him once a year, he’s a womanizer) I was left alone, met a lot of friends, was very social. I had to do that in order to build a social circle bc my family was always apart or working. I have an older brother (living in CA, my mom and gma lives there too)

    So my BDP manifests every time when I get triggered (abandonment, betrayal, feeling uncared) the black and white thinking. I would always ask myself “Why would they do that?”

    The pain is there and I am trying to figure out how to let it go. My therapist tells me to meditate. I work out, I paint, study, read, watch tv, talk to friends, etc. I used to write. Gonna start again.

    There is this empty feeling that comes back and forth, esp with relationships, holidays. Gonna purchase some BPD coping books so I can get more insights

    #370845
    lil.lily
    Participant

    thank you

    #358005
    lil.lily
    Participant

    @inky I just don’t understand what happened and why he was like that towards me. I am trying to make sense of it. I know it takes time. I’m just open, approachable, and friendly. Did he take it the wrong way?

    #97630
    lil.lily
    Participant

    Thank you @anita I am always very curious about life and learning

    Thank you @Shelly I also always day dream or dream at night. I am very imaginative. If I don’t dream, then I don’t feel human.

    Thank you @Matty your philosophy was beautifully said.

    #89296
    lil.lily
    Participant

    Hello @anita

    Actually, I do look into my childhood a lot, I see the reflection of myself through my past, present, and future. I was very observant when I was a child. I clearly remember a lot of things about my childhood. I am not too sure what you are asking me Anita.

    I know… I have lived a extraordinary life, I had quite a lot of tantrums as a child, but very observant.

    #89159
    lil.lily
    Participant

    Hello @jack @anita @trianglesun

    Thank you every one for your responses. I know it’s true. I guess I just except so much sometimes with men. Especially the fact that I told myself I was not going to let them in, or let anyone disappoint me. It is true that I should just focus myself.. and I do. I just get caught up with the wanting, and the needing sometimes… and then I remember what my purpose was..and what I need to do to accomplish my goals.

    #88879
    lil.lily
    Participant

    Hello Jack

    I see my life as a gift. And we are destined to do, to be, to feel…this phenomenon. But there is the destiny, that wheel of fortune that directs the individual to fortune or misfortune.

    I think a lot about the people who suffer… yes, the disabled, the refuge, and starving children..the poor animals..climage change.

    And I ask myself? How did I get so lucky? I am a very free-spirited, open-minded, creative, and spiritual.

    I see life as beautiful, as a gift. And…when I think of suffering… I think of my destiny. I am 23 years old, and I am applying for a Master’s degree in Public Health, and hopefully I can help people somehow. Some people say.. I am a child of God. and that as a believer I am saved…yet I think of other meanings and experience in life.

    About the euthanasia? I also believe that people can choose to die, if they are suffering.. it doesn’t mean we cannot help them. It is their indiviudal liberty to have that freedom. I am pro-choice and advocate for life. But I believe that it is the person’s choice to choose his/her own destiny with life or death.

    There are so many people living in this world…can our world support everyone? It is scary to think…should we let people die? Some people choose abortion because they cannot support their child, or they cannot simply let a person live in this world…or those people who suffer could never bare anymore.

    I sometimes think…where do people go when they die? Where does there souls go? I think… maybe… they are locked up in the dark because they chose death… and sometimes I think…maybe they are at peace..and sometimes I think of heaven and hell…or a garden..or reincarnation.

    Those are my deep thoughts.

    Life is beautiful though and it is a gift

    #80045
    lil.lily
    Participant

    @anita How do you over come those distorted thoughts?

    @inlightofhappiness Thank you so much for expressing your words through God’s blessings and wisdom. I always thank him for everything and see the light, sometimes its a bit difficult and I feel so discouraged at times. He is always in my thoughts.

    #80015
    lil.lily
    Participant

    What do you mean by distorted thinking that was established long ago? @anita

    #79081
    lil.lily
    Participant

    Hi J (@J and @Inky)

    I am in the same boat as you. I am a recent graduate and I moved to DC, and I moved away from California. I worked as an intern for a Congressman at the Capitol Hill. I have a part time job as a server, and doing another internship (development internship part-time). I have a lot of experience with Non-profits and health care. I received a Bachelor’s of Arts in Human Development (Health Services) with a minor in PSCI. Sometimes, I think..I should have stayed and pursued medicine.. maybe Ill get a better job..

    yet I was unhappy.

    Yet, I can’t seem to get a job with it. It bothers me, and I get so angry. I literally want to cry. I need money, to support myself and pay for my loans.
    I just keep thinking… why? am I not eligible for these jobs? I moved all the way from California to Washington D.C. For crying out loud… I worked for the Congress, I should get a public service job asap. and not have to deal with this.

    I get angry at times.. today I started my job as a server. I still apply for jobs.. and I am studying my GRE so I can get into a Master in Public Health.

    I apply for alot of administration, non-profits, something that fits my alley.. and doing a part-time internship to improve and better my skills.

    I get mad, I cry. Today I cried, and it rained while I biked home. I hate working in the restaurant business. but I need money.

    I plan to travel to Japan to visit my family and Brazil in December.. so that is why.. I am working even though I hate it.

    I found another job.. which will is assisting an elderly (I have alot of experience with elders) and I would get paid alot.

    I am still applying and I never give up. I use my frustration to keep going.

    Another addition to my sadness is the fact that, I lost one of my lover-companions, his ex-gf wanted him back.

    I feel defeated, and unemployed. Its only been a month.. I mean I am not unemployed.. I do have a job. But its not a job that makes a difference in my life.

    I mean.. the betterment of myself. I want to work that provides care, and my knowledge for the betterment of society.

    I hope to join the peace corps with a master program. I pray, alot.. I pray to the lord.. and thank him.

    Yet.. I feel sad.. and depressed. Like a rollercoaster. But I know, I need to keep going. and my destiny will soon come.

    Best,
    Yuri

    #77104
    lil.lily
    Participant

    I cry alot.. lately because of all these anxiety.. I am going on a trip to ruminate.. maybe you should.. Or take a day off.. walk around.. go to a live show, read a book.. for me its hard because I soak up life. and I get depressed. But I know I will be alright.. Talk to your friends and everything will be okay

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 28 total)