Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→How to Master the Dark Energy
- This topic has 8 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 9 months ago by
Bethany Rosselit.
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July 17, 2015 at 8:30 am #80004
lil.lilyParticipantIts been two days..and I have been feeling this dark energy, the dark soul with me. Its when I feel so angry, sad, emotional.. I can’t get out of it. I have felt this way before many times.. the past days I was content, and then I am back to this feeling.
There are many factors involved with this dark energy. Yesterday, I went for a run, I painted, Listen to music, stretched, biked, read, , studied, made dinner, drank some wine…all feel-good actions. Things that I love to do. Yet, I still felt angry. Why? These are things that I like to do.. and yet why do I still feel angry?
I have lived in a lot of places, I am only 23. Los Angeles, Manila, Orange County, San Diego, Amsterdam, and currently living in DC.
I was once an intern for a Congressman, and I decided to stay put in DC.. Graduated last May 2015. I am alone in the East Coast, with no family (all in CA, Japan and Philippines) I was here for a DC Intern program, then I wanted to stay here and find a job.
I’ve applied to several places… nonprofits, health clinics, administrative work, etc etc. I have a degree in Human Development (Health Services and a minor in PSCI)
This week, I went to 3 interviews, went to a Grad Fair at GWU for MPH, went to the Peace Corps Reception and watched the Congressman who I use to work for, spoke on his past experience in the Peace Corps.
Everything..is there.. I have been going and pursuing.. My goal to work for an International Development.. but I know I would have to go back to school and I would like to join the Peace Corps (MPH/peace corps program) just to live my dream.
Lately I have been emotional.. it also has to do with.. the frustration of not being able to successfully get a job with my career (trying the entry-level) yet I have been trying weekly, applying for jobs, emailing, interviews.
Another thing.. I feel lonely, I have some friends here.. I am unhappy today. A significant other is in California with his ex-gf… and he emails me.. and never.. mentions her.. and yet I see their pictures at the beach..
Love..is something that I could never conquer. I feel that I am not great enough. I met an acquiantance who is moving to California (my home state) It frustrates me, DC, this transitory city..
But I know.. its just the struggle on trying to pursue my dreams in working for an International Development, yet I want love, a companion. I feel alone. I know I have to focus, but focusing.. is so lonesome..
I’ve been praying and thanking the Lord, yet I still feel this darkness..
right now, I am a development intern for a mental health organization (part-time and unpaid), while waiting tables to earn money so I can go on a trip to Japan or Brazil in December. I am working and studying to take the GRE in august, while I have been looking for a job to enter the workforce. It is a struggle to be in the 20’s.. I just want to get out of this.
July 17, 2015 at 9:21 am #80007
AnonymousGuestDear lil.lily:
You didn’t ask a question or anything. What a dramatic title: how to MASTER the DARK ENERGY…
It is enough to have a picture of your significant other with his ex girlfriend in your mind to cause you mental distress, isn’t it? It is enough to envision California or other places that you like in comparison to Wash DC that you don’t like to cause you some distress. It is enough to picture the jobs you would like to have in comparison to the part time, no pay job you have and the waiting tables.
The dark energy is attached, perhaps, to comarison thinking; where your boyfriend is and where you would like him to be; where you are and where you would like to be; what you do and what you would like to do.
Mindfulness living is about being totally focused, as much as you can, with life AS IS, with what you are doing right now, with the place where you are right now, with the people you are with right now.
When your hope for happiness is in LATER, some OTHER place, some OTHER time, when this happens or that, obviously you are left with dark energy. When the light is ELSEWHERE, then the darkness is where you are.
anita
July 17, 2015 at 11:10 am #80012AnonymousGuestOne more thing: I oversimplified it, I just learned. There are unpleasant things in the Here and Now, some darkness in your mind that is Here and Now independent of where you are- darkness that you will have to FACE when you re-direct the beam of light to ther Here and Now. The light is Here and Now but there is also darkness to face, internal darkness, in other words, probably distorted thinking that started and was established long ago.
anitaJuly 17, 2015 at 11:28 am #80015July 17, 2015 at 12:08 pm #80017
inlightofhappinessParticipantWhen the light is elsewhere then the darkness is here. Very nice.
Try focusing on the light. Become the master of the light.
Keep praying to God but remember that you are the child of God and therefore it is also your birthright to be praised.
Love is something you will conquer because you are beyond great.
You are never alone.
God loves you and wants you to love yourself.
Your love is the only love.July 17, 2015 at 2:42 pm #80020AnonymousGuestDear lil.lily:
By “distorted thinking that was established long ago” I meant that it is my understanding that people choose to live There and Then, that is someplace else and at another time than the present because there is distress in the Here and Now- in between one’s ears, that is distorted thinking. Now I don’t know your distorted thinking. Examples of mine and others that I know of are:
1) There is something wrong with me, faulty, inferior, rejectable, etc.
2) I am responsible for someone else’s feelings and behaviors.
3) I should always be busy, otherwise I am lazy and worthless.
and whatever else….anita
July 18, 2015 at 10:47 am #80045lil.lilyParticipant@anita How do you over come those distorted thoughts?
@inlightofhappiness Thank you so much for expressing your words through God’s blessings and wisdom. I always thank him for everything and see the light, sometimes its a bit difficult and I feel so discouraged at times. He is always in my thoughts.July 18, 2015 at 12:00 pm #80048AnonymousGuestDear lil.lily:
Changing distorted/ untrue thoughts is in the core of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). If you google distorted thinking/ CBT you will find categories of distortions such as All or Nothing, Fortune Telling, Personalizing and more. You evaluate thoughts that cause you distress for their accuracy, as a scientist would, gather evidence and evaluate, and if thought is inaccurate or distorted, you replace it with a realistic thought. The point is people tend to believe their thoughts when often they are not realistic. THen people feel distress in accordance to their distorted thinking and proceed to act on them- all ineffective as long as the basis (the thinking) is false
anita
July 20, 2015 at 9:19 pm #80159
Bethany RosselitParticipantDon’t run away from it, and quit labeling it as “dark.” It is just a scared child, not a scary monster.
Look at the patterns you are observing. What is it that you are thinking? Any thought that doesn’t feel good, that seems “dark,” should be questioned (because it is fear based and can be redefined). Gently ask, “Why am I thinking this?” Write it out if you have to. When you get your answer, ask “why” again. Figure out what assumption your answers are based on, then look at whether that assumption makes sense. Are there other possible explanations? Is there a way you can redefine it? Do that, then find reasons why your redefinition makes sense.
Look deeply instead of running away, and you’ll get to the root of those thoughts.
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