To Jo and Vhanon,

Thanks, what both of you said really makes a lot of sense to me, especially Vhanon. I guess in my context, what I am going through doesn’t seem like such a big thing in comparison to what Jo is going through, and it’s great that you and your fiancé have come to a situation where you both compromise and agree on things. In retrospect, my problem seems to stem from something so much smaller and inconsequential, but in my mind obviously it bothers me enough.

Basically I’m an only child, I’ve been raised as an only child and I’ve never had any siblings, only close female friends growing up. My bf and his sister are very very close, close to the point where I feel very uncomfortable because I feel that he goes to her first before anyone else. Anything that she “asks”, he will give to her, and she has said that he is the only one who can talk to her and make her smile, regardless of the fact that she is already married, she still always runs to him. My bf’s father also strongly wants their relationship to continue, even if he passes away, and I have no intention of ever breaking up a family, or asking him to choose between his family or me, but sometimes the struggles get too real.

He tells me that I need to trust him on where to draw the line, and it’s not that I don’t, but I know his sister doesn’t draw the line, and so he just gives in to her. He is asking me to accept this relationship of theirs, because he has accepted me for who I am. Maybe because I am an only child, and I have other underlying issues, I know for a fact that I have always fought to be part of the “popular” group, and I hate being left out of things. I always have this fear that people are talking/gossiping about me, therefore I have always sought to be included.

They have a relationship that nobody can break into, and my belief is that my bf/husband should be my best friend, and vice versa, I just feel that he’s sharing a lot more with her than with me, and that’s something that I can never break into. For me to accept that they have such a close relationship, and for me to just “let it go”, it means that I have to change my beliefs to accommodate his definition of a brother/sister relationship.

I hope that information helps in your assessment of the situation, I know different cultures bring up their children different, and I guess it’s a good thing siblings are close, but when another half is in the picture, it complicates things. It’s a case of what he thinks is right and acceptable, vs what I think is right and acceptable.