In a way the process of writing on here has answered my own question. I will be able to love again because I was incapable of loving truly I the past. Everyone has there own way of dealing with break ups and how they respond to change and I accept now that my ex ‘s new relationship is a solid one. It just sucks that it happened as it did but in a way it has brought me through a very difficult period myself and that can only be a good thing. Reading back on my very long email I see now that I was just at fault as my ex. I was not honest no meter how I felt inside he should, have known about in order to support me I was not able to support him because of this and it was a one way relationship as a result. He had no conscience for the impact on me but I accept that one because he was hurt by my lack of impact on our relationship. We all make mistakes and are human. I forgive him for the breakup and the aftermath but not he’s colleague in he’s role and that is ok too as I have moved on career wise also. There is no right or wrong way to behave after a breakup. The hurt still hurts the same until you heal and I needed to hurt more in order to push through both my breakup and accepting my disability.