Thanks Vhanon, nina for your voice.

Vhanon, feel lot of truth in what you said, probably my ex wanted me to have gd family………
in way i remember him more bcz of my present, he seemed best & present seems not good……
After i saw your response i feel better that problem is not my ex love but with me in my present…. which has to be corrected……….
But there seems nothing i can change my situation……. i am struggling… thing that triggers every day fights is myself…when i voice when i say no when i don’t meet expected task in given time…… i am to shoot…..
Fun part of it is i always miss my task in given deadline 🙂
I am always late comer since my childhood……. maximum i can meet at 10 min due..

I need energy to learn how to manage these people and will have to learn on my boundaries. i would want to be like what they wanted if they would have cared for me, they don’t so i don’t want….. I am object at home who is been brought into family for a purpose to serve…
my mistake as i realize always is i keep being soft and forgiving always when there is a fight…. i am not boosting but this is what i do…. i don’t feel good about this…… i do this in my own favor……. because i always believed if every one talks to me well and gives me a smile it means i am loved, i want to be loved, i feel i am better and have no problems………. when we fight and when i am not happy i am not able to express my distress better over a long run……. though i keep it in mind always and keep crying at heart unconsoled… i want to change this as i feel this is my mistake……. I shout at that moment, forget in few min and be normal by less time. I want to change this in better way to show my distress and unhappiness, can you please advice if you think this is valid point