Hello Iwontshare,

I created an account just so I could respond to you. It was not long ago when I felt exactly like you did about myself and my life. I felt deeply that if this was the life that I was meant to live, then I no longer had an interest in living it. I honestly believed that I was create by a cruel God who dumped me on this forsaken planet to suffer alone. Naturally, it is incredibly painful to feel this way. I can completely relate to your post.

I found my way out of this horror and if I can do it so can you. Start with the willingness to believe that your life can change. This seemingly small belief in the potential for change seems very small but it is powerful. Everything in life changes, its part of nature. You too are part of nature and can change. You will change. I promise.

You are NOT a burden on humanity or a waste of resources. Please stop telling yourself this story immediately. Your mind is such a powerful tool. If you tell the burden story then your mind will look really hard for examples that make this story seem true. Oh, an it will find them because that is what the mind is set up to do. Make a commitment to switch up that story. Find a positive statement as a replacement. Every time you catch yourself thinking the burden story, stop then make an effort to tell the positive story. Basically make your own positive mantra about yourself and say it, say it, say it. Those old thought habits are deeply embedded and it will take multiple attempts to replace them with new thoughts. Be patient with yourself. Change is happening even when you think it isn’t.

For me, I used to wake up every morning and the first thought I had was “I am depressed”. Not a great start. Eventually I realized that I was thinking this out of habit and not genuinely feeling it. I then told myself that I would wake up every morning and say words of thanksgiving for having the gift of a new day and the blessing of a human incarnation.

Also, never underestimate the power of proper nutrition, exercise, and hydration. I have read accounts of people curing themselves from debilitating depression by eliminating sugar and caffeine from their diets. I find regular exercise to be critical for mood stability. You can also set physical goals for yourself and it feels really empowering to meet them. Often times when we are depressed we know we “should” do things like exercise but feel like we just “can’t”. Treat these things like necessities and do them anyway. Once you start seeing change then you will feel inspired to keep going.

Most of all be patient and kind with yourself. Just think, would we talk to a friend or a child the way we talk to ourselves sometimes? I hope not because then we would be bullies. But for some reason we think it is OK or even virtuous to bully ourselves. It really isn’t. The world is patiently loving you in every moment. But you can only know this to the degree that you are open to loving yourself. Celebrate your decision to believe in yourself and look for things to celebrate in your life. You will build a new life with each new thought and feeling. The wheels of change will begin to turn. Although it may seem slow at first, the momentum will build and build.

That part of you who reached out for help already knows that you can do it. There is a part deep inside, your truest, deepest Self, who already knows that you are wonderful, valuable, capable, committed, and strong. And now, I am ending with the classic “If I can do it then so can you”.

I hope that some of my words were helpful. Dang, I almost left something off. I love watching Mooji on video. He is so wise, gentle, loving and funny. In one video a follower was relating how she was vexed by certain repetitive thoughts. And Mooji replied with “they are just thoughts and you don’t have to think them”. Eureka! I felt such joy at realizing that thoughts may come and thoughts may go but I don’t have to invite them to say as permanent house guests. It was such a crazy liberating idea that I giggled out loud. And thoughts can be persistent little buggers who keep knocking on the door but I don’t have to answer. Yeah, pretty sweet, imo. I highly recommend Mooji. He is so down to earth, deeply kind, and I found his teaching and his presence to be deeply beneficial. He is also very generous about sharing his teachings freely and you can find many hours of videos. Some of them are so fabulous because he’s speaking with these people who have been struggling for years but then find themselves uncontrollably giggling with delight. I giggle right along with them and it feels great.

I know you can overcome this. I believe in you totally.

Jeannine