Will it ever get better ?

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    Its been more than a decade now. I dont remember a time when I was happy or when I didnt hate myself. Depression has just taken over my life. I am 27 this month and I am not getting any younger. I have been posting on forums and articles/sites like this looking for answers and trying to feel better about myself. I recently saw one of my ancient posts on yahoo answers. Similar issues but It says 15 years there. I might have just wasted my life. Only now I have added problems. I feel guilty when I have fun because I know I dont deserve it. I dont deserve love or happiness.
    These problems seem so simple to tackle and yet i cant get rid of the negative talker in my head (because its not saying anything wrong..i should just accept the truth)
    Pills, counselling,forums,self help books, nothing helps.
    I have a job now which is pretty decent according to most. But not the career i wanted. And the worst part- i dont know what I want.
    I tirelessly look for approval and hate myself for doing it.
    It is a vicious cycle amd for that I usually find only one stupid way out. To stop existing. And then I usually chicken out there as well.
    I just keep finding excuses to explain my below average performance. I feel like a burden on humanity. A waste of resources.

    Its painful. And it keeps getting unbearable

    Will it ever get better?

    • This topic was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by Iwontshare.

    I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. I have seen people close to me battling with depression and I know that it is a horrible place to be. I can only imagine how it must feel when it goes on for so long and you feel like all hope is lost.

    You say that you have tried numerous ways of dealing with this, so I guess it’s fair to assume that I can’t utter any magic words which will suddenly change everything for you. One thing I do know though, your worst part “I don’t know what I want” – that’s my worst part too. I have a degree, a Master’s degree and a fairly good life by all accounts, and yet I’m feeling in complete limbo right now, not sure what my next step should be, unsure of myself, and feeling increasingly fragile. I think though, a surprising number of people (especially in their late twenties – I’m 28) are feeling this way. Society places a lot of pressure on us all to be living the perfect life, in the perfect body, and knowing exactly what we want and going out to get it. Real life isn’t that clear cut. My Mum used to say a phrase that has occasionally comforted me through these moments “Everybody’s bluffing” – I think there’s definitely some truth in that. As for seeking approval – our society is built on that these days: celebrity culture, Facebook likes, Instagram likes/comments… everyone seems to be needing reassurance that they are being a successful human. I’m not saying that to belittle your issues, but to highlight that perhaps you’re not so different from everyone else as you think.

    I know you may not believe me when I say it, but you are NOT a burden on humanity, and you are NOT a waste of resources. You came into this planet the same way as everyone else – someone gave birth to you and you battled your way through those vulnerable early years, to be an adult today. You deserve the same as everyone else. Some people are lucky to seem to be holding things together more successfully, but really, that doesn’t matter – and I say that as much for myself to hear as for you! We are each here living our own journeys on this planet.

    I’m interested to hear that you don’t think you deserve happiness, love or fun. I’m not sure that those things need moral values placing on them. They just *are* – they are little moments that make the tapestry of life worth living – we don’t earn them, same as we don’t deserve sadness, loneliness or dislike. They are moments linked to emotions and interactions, they spring up of their own accord. 🙂

    We all have negative talkers in our heads – I think that some people’s are more vocal than others. But I think, if we hunt for it, most of us have at least a little seed of hope in there too. A little positive voice seeking to be heard. I don’t think that negative and positive thoughts are ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ per se (again placing moral values!) – they just are. Your negative voice might not be *wrong* – although you give it an awful lot of power by saying that – but it might not be the only way to think about yourself.

    As for ever getting better… truthfully I suppose no-one is able to answer that for you. You have obviously gone through years of feeling this way and that must be frustrating and tiring. What I do think is hopeful is that you are still searching for ways to overcome this. That seed of hope inside you is still rooted in and refusing to believe that this is it. Maybe it’s time to try encouraging that hope. Maybe try telling that negative talker in your head that actually, it might not really be a true representation of who you are and what you want out of life. And just because you have spent your teenage and early-mid twenties feeling like sh*t, doesn’t mean that that has to be it. You are the master of your own destiny. The pills, counselling, self-help books etc haven’t worked (yet!) but perhaps you weren’t ready to let them. Take a leap of faith in yourself. Dare to believe that you are really ready to rise above this and live the life you want to be living. And you might not immediately have all the answers (I’d like to meet someone who did!), but you might realise that the journey and the uncertainty, and the bumps and twists in the path can be fun in their own way – and yes, sometimes frustrating too!

    I wish you all the best 🙂


    Hi Iwontshare
    It will definitely get better if you try to change..I partly understand how you feel, as, believe me or not, I have been in a similar place as you. I believe if you try to surround yourself with a positive aura and increase your self esteem, it will get incredibly better. Trust me.
    Do not underestimate yourself and think that you dont deserve some things. You deserve the best for yourself always. It doesn’t always mean that the negative thoughts are the truth.
    You are letting the negative talker take control over you completely. Believe me, if you control the negative talker and have more faith and confidence in yourself, you will feel highly satisfied. Since you are here on tiny buddha, go through some of the blogs written. They are amazing and you will get help. There are beautifully written articles on how to get over depression, loving yourself, making your life better, etc. Please try once to check them out. I hope they come of help to you.
    Dont even doubt yourself. If you keep doing it, it will never get better. Since you already think you have wasted so much time of your life, accept it and take it as a lesson that you dont want that to happen again and that you can control your life and turn it into an amazing one.
    You deserve love, happiness and joy more than anyone. And let me tell you, i care about you already even though i dont know you. And its never too late.
    I may have gone all inspirational and preach like but just think about it. Dont depend on others for approval and think highly of yourself. Your judgement matters more than anyone else’s. Please feel free to reply to this and speak to me.
    Hope I could help you from this 🙂
    Take care


    Hello Iwontshare,

    I created an account just so I could respond to you. It was not long ago when I felt exactly like you did about myself and my life. I felt deeply that if this was the life that I was meant to live, then I no longer had an interest in living it. I honestly believed that I was create by a cruel God who dumped me on this forsaken planet to suffer alone. Naturally, it is incredibly painful to feel this way. I can completely relate to your post.

    I found my way out of this horror and if I can do it so can you. Start with the willingness to believe that your life can change. This seemingly small belief in the potential for change seems very small but it is powerful. Everything in life changes, its part of nature. You too are part of nature and can change. You will change. I promise.

    You are NOT a burden on humanity or a waste of resources. Please stop telling yourself this story immediately. Your mind is such a powerful tool. If you tell the burden story then your mind will look really hard for examples that make this story seem true. Oh, an it will find them because that is what the mind is set up to do. Make a commitment to switch up that story. Find a positive statement as a replacement. Every time you catch yourself thinking the burden story, stop then make an effort to tell the positive story. Basically make your own positive mantra about yourself and say it, say it, say it. Those old thought habits are deeply embedded and it will take multiple attempts to replace them with new thoughts. Be patient with yourself. Change is happening even when you think it isn’t.

    For me, I used to wake up every morning and the first thought I had was “I am depressed”. Not a great start. Eventually I realized that I was thinking this out of habit and not genuinely feeling it. I then told myself that I would wake up every morning and say words of thanksgiving for having the gift of a new day and the blessing of a human incarnation.

    Also, never underestimate the power of proper nutrition, exercise, and hydration. I have read accounts of people curing themselves from debilitating depression by eliminating sugar and caffeine from their diets. I find regular exercise to be critical for mood stability. You can also set physical goals for yourself and it feels really empowering to meet them. Often times when we are depressed we know we “should” do things like exercise but feel like we just “can’t”. Treat these things like necessities and do them anyway. Once you start seeing change then you will feel inspired to keep going.

    Most of all be patient and kind with yourself. Just think, would we talk to a friend or a child the way we talk to ourselves sometimes? I hope not because then we would be bullies. But for some reason we think it is OK or even virtuous to bully ourselves. It really isn’t. The world is patiently loving you in every moment. But you can only know this to the degree that you are open to loving yourself. Celebrate your decision to believe in yourself and look for things to celebrate in your life. You will build a new life with each new thought and feeling. The wheels of change will begin to turn. Although it may seem slow at first, the momentum will build and build.

    That part of you who reached out for help already knows that you can do it. There is a part deep inside, your truest, deepest Self, who already knows that you are wonderful, valuable, capable, committed, and strong. And now, I am ending with the classic “If I can do it then so can you”.

    I hope that some of my words were helpful. Dang, I almost left something off. I love watching Mooji on video. He is so wise, gentle, loving and funny. In one video a follower was relating how she was vexed by certain repetitive thoughts. And Mooji replied with “they are just thoughts and you don’t have to think them”. Eureka! I felt such joy at realizing that thoughts may come and thoughts may go but I don’t have to invite them to say as permanent house guests. It was such a crazy liberating idea that I giggled out loud. And thoughts can be persistent little buggers who keep knocking on the door but I don’t have to answer. Yeah, pretty sweet, imo. I highly recommend Mooji. He is so down to earth, deeply kind, and I found his teaching and his presence to be deeply beneficial. He is also very generous about sharing his teachings freely and you can find many hours of videos. Some of them are so fabulous because he’s speaking with these people who have been struggling for years but then find themselves uncontrollably giggling with delight. I giggle right along with them and it feels great.

    I know you can overcome this. I believe in you totally.



    Jeannine – what a great comment. I’m so glad that you were able to turn your own life around and post this helpful advice from your own experience. I hope it really helps Iwontshare to hear from others who have been there and managed to get through it.


    All of the people above have said such profound things that I feel are very beneficial and wise so I may find myself kind of echoing them a little bit. I have to admit, that whether or not you believe this, many people can relate to you and so the guilt that you subconciousy or cosnciously feel should not really exist in the first place as it’s common and does not make you any less or anything.
    I can relate to you as I feel I have been down a lot and not progresed a lot in my life, I have tried all those things and I still feel my self esteem is bruised a bit but I must say they were very helpfull (counselling, self help books (well 1 t.b.h) though but ultimately you give power to those things( counselling or speaking to people) and by giving power, I mean you ultimately have a choice on how things go and t.bh I think that’s where the issue lies for me, you kinda need to feel connected to yourself rather than battling yourself for all hose stuff to really mena something and that is a hard process but I’d say take time to try to understand yourself an accept yoursef (don’t put pressure on yourself to change completley and become this suer bubbly or cheery person but rather try and underdtand yourself and accept it.

    Also I must admit that there are many factors that play into self esteem; the way you were socialised, maybe traumatic experiences or experiences that make you feel unworthy, try and find ways to actively be inspired by people who have gone through similar things and have come out of it or use an expressive form like poetry, excersise like Jeaninne said (taking a walk helps me when I’m overthinking), writing short stories or just simply writing your thoughts down, you may have similar feelings because you are alowing a pattern to be created without knowing so having a journal could help you understand/ or you may be approaching things the same way, another thing I might ad is that you could try something spiritual or religious associated, if you are open to that; like myabe find spiritual self help books or go to a session at a centre for worship.

    I’ll keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Your existence is significant, another thing i want to say is you most likely are compain yousrelf to others and as hard as it is, we need to compare ousrelves more to people with similar situations rather than people whose lives are quite diff to us and know that people select and show things that they want others to know so there’s a good chance that you have a lot of similarities to them but you may not know. Peace be with you. It will get btter, most of the most inspiring people have gone through some tough times like you. (Sorry for the spelling mistakes). Pick and chose what you find ueful/not. XX


    P.s I’m not really religious but I personally I’m trying to be as there are things in my life that have brought me there but I respect if you don’t believe ultimately we connect as humans (regardless of those things). Stay blessed. T.c.


    I suppose every person who suffers with depression asks this question almost every day. I’ve been depressed since I was sixteen. I’m now sixty-one. So – does it get better? I’m sure I’m ‘supposed’ to say yes, but it really doesn’t. Like everyone else, you try everything over the years; take all the advice, but the truth is you still feel the same after every effort to change. You’d have more luck trying to change the colour of your eyes or growing an extra limb. It’s part of who you are. Something you have to live with – like being in a wheelchair or being blind. I think in the end you cope best by not fighting it; not trying to get rid of depression as if it’s a head cold. As if it’s something that can be overcome. The hopelessness you feel comes from your failure to change or cure it. It’s based on the false belief that it can be ‘overcome’. Depression doesn’t get better by itself (no matter what ‘they’ might tell you, or what the books say). It is not improved by exercise, or diet or drugs. Your best way forward is to be depressed and do what you can when you can. Feel the pointlessness and do it anyway. Do things for yourself as if you’re doing them for someone else. But accept that your life will be harder (more challenging!) than anyone else’s and stop putting yourself under pressure to feel something you can’t.

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