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Reply To: Lost My Direction

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#68179
Snails
Participant

Hi Jon,

Nice to see someone following this great site with such dedication:)
Perhaps I can comment on a few things from your post?

The honeymoon stage is wonderful isn’t it ?- exhilarating, exciting and it’s easier to overlook any difference and annoying habits in each other.

Having differences in a parnter is fine as long as you both share the same vision and your core values aren’t in direct conflict. ‘Happily Incompatible’ can work when each partner respects one another’s differences as well as enjoy their similarities and shared visions.

You mention ‘our lives together just don’t seem to match up anymore, mostly because his life isn’t the life I want at the moment, it feels like our paths are diverging’ this feels to me like a shared vision issue ??? or it it something more simple?… without knowing what both of your ‘visions’ are its hard for me to suggest things. But it’s up to you both to see if there’s any room to move on these visions…sometimes there is, Often they are NOT … is one partner willing to say yes but sometime in the future? visions can change over time (say someone wants to live in the quiet country but the other person is still at their stage of life that they want to be near ‘the night life’ etc but they may OR may not want to move too somewhere quiet later on. Is that person willing to wait ‘a bit’ a 5 year plan? etc)

**Communication and clarity on core values and visions is really important – that’s something for you both NEED to get through and decide upon… they can be make or break deals.

Are you both still doing things together that are exciting and fun ?.. perhaps make a list of things you both would love to do and work through it..

As for your ‘love cards’ you can gently talk about that with your partner.. good luck with that one .. I happily accept I don’t get valentines cards from my partner xD but when we done ‘that’ talk he explained he thinks it’s a ‘commercial’ day but he shows me he loves me in other little ways (buys me my favorite magazine when he’s at the shops etc) and tells me in words and how he treats me… and that’s fine with me- females and males are very different in may ways! xD.

You also mentioned about ‘sexual expressions’ sometimes that can be as you say because you feel like your ‘removing myself from the relationship’ it can be because we feel emotionally removed because we are harboring hurt or anger towards are partner. My advice is work on your Big issues (shared visions etc) but as they Always say and is true don’t go to bed until any fights or conflicts from day to day life have been resolved as best as can be…if it’s others things ,like feels unsatisfactory phyically maybe look up google on how to make suggestion to make to your partner.

It’s ok to have conflicts and arguments with your partner. Good communication will lessen them but I hope you both have set in place during a quiet peaceful time, ‘argument rules’ ?? eg We will not call one another names, will will only stick to the issue being argued over, we will not intentionally try to hurt the other person, we will take turns giving our point than listen quietly to the other person ‘ and then try to find a middle ground, and sometimes depending on the issue you might just have to agree there is no room to budge.. then you both have to decide can you agree to be ‘happily incompatible’ on this issue ??(‘issue’ NOT ‘vision’ or ‘core values’ )

So perhaps my advice is to Communicate and see what happens – but a relationship should Always make you More happy than unhappy… if there are too many or too important of differences between yourselves at least you both gave it your best try.. please don’t stay in any relationship that makes you unhappy because you don’t want to hurt the other person, You have to care and be kind to yourself .
I say this advice as you say you still feel unsure and you don’t know at this stage ok

Warmest wishes