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Snails

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  • #95641
    Snails
    Participant

    Dear Seekingwisdom,

    Some Lyme Disease test are more accurate than others, and false positive / negatives can happen. If you live somewhere where Lyme disease happens maybe a retest?

    The only other thing I might suggest is an environmental elimination test to see if there is anything that your daughter is being exposed to that is effecting her health.

    Not sure what hemisphere you live in, but when the weather is warm perhaps go on a camping trip (school holidays) and try to stay 4 – 5 nights minimum (more would be better if possible). Take / buy older – tent and equipment such as foam camping mattresses (less off gassing), eat only healthy whole foods, chose somewhere that has low Electromagnetic radiation (ie no free wi-fi and no cell / tv towers in distance), keep everything on airplane mode (and use mobile phone only for emergency), keep a good distance from other tents, try to avoid personal hygiene products (shampoo, deodorant, soaps etc unless all natural) and if you need insect repellent try natural herbs etc.

    At the minimum you get to have a holiday and spend some quality time with your daughter strolling in nature, swimming and catching up on novels…so not to much to lose to give it a try?

    I’m sensitive, to a list of things, which was causing a lot of pain and symptoms, including chest, skin and nerve pain and I adjusted my lifestyle which gave my body time to heal (still sensitive to some things but not so many things now)

    Best wish to you and your daughter.

    #93053
    Snails
    Participant

    Dear Inky,

    I’m a bit late finding this thread.

    I feel, you like your neighbours a lot and don’t want to lose them. I don’t know what the best thing to do is as I’m not there experiencing this.

    How would you feel in asking your neighbours for help? I don’t know how you would feel about this but if they were my friends I’d probably explain how the other JW’s are coming over and that you’d really don’t want visits by them (as in you’re 100% sure) because you feel that you have your own ways of practising your spirituality. And that you had let the visits go on more than you found comfortable because of your friendship with them and you didn’t want to sadden your friends by rejecting the other JW ???…or something along those lines??

    Perhaps you could ask them for advise? on how you could ask them not to come over without hurting the other JW’s feelings?? maybe you could talk to her on how she handles rejections from the public when she door knocks? and which way she prefers to be told? I could imagine she’d have some very harsh door knocking experiences.

    I remember you writing about your son’s friendship with your neighbor’s child and concerns in relation to JW…I hope this part is all clear now?

    Best wishes

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by Snails.
    #91926
    Snails
    Participant

    Dear Annie,

    You ask ‘Am I wrong’? Trust your self ! You are making very good choices, the very BEST choices, for your life and happiness. Your mother is not good at making good choices!, she is Not thinking about you having a good, healthy, happy, Balanced life…her thoughts on life are that as long as your physical needs are met (things money can buy) you are to be happy. But you are so much more sensible and know that isn’t so!

    I don’t even know your mother and I am angry (and I have never felt angry here on TB) with her and her bad decisions ! -‘After my mother found out I had depression and was in therapy, she still made me go out with this man again’… am I even reading this right?? She knew but still wanted you to go on another date with such a vile man, that could do that to you??. She knew? Have I miss understood?? Imagine what life would be like to marry such a ‘man’! you can imagine but she can not…her thinking is so off! you know this in your heart?. Even if she didn’t know the part about him forcing himself onto you, the very fact you didn’t want to go on another date should of been honored by her!, Any date with anyone!

    Sometimes it is hard to break free and start living your own life, sometimes guilt can make it hard. Guilt at wanting the chance of a happy life? to chose your own path? So guilty and controlled you were made to go on another ‘date’

    You have been been given this guilt and control by your parents – give it back to your parents. Remind yourself Always you are so very capable, and you are making the best decisions for your own life.

    Your idea to live with friends, is a wonderful plan! You are having such a great time at Uni and making your life so good for yourself. You are making such lovely decisions weighing up people, choosing good friends and boyfriend, who is so support!.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by Snails.
    #91456
    Snails
    Participant

    Hi Ladybug

    Does you dad talk much more with your mum and brother? is it only you he doesn’t communicate enough with?

    It sounds to me that he is a good man, that the main thing that you would prefer change in, is to communicate more and have more depth in your talks with your father?

    To me it also sounds like your dad lives life on auto pilot, he works to provide for his family and he tries, minus the talking enough part. Perhaps he is or is not trying enough, but he has settled into a life of routine. Perhaps you are right and he has low grade depression?, or he is numbing out life and has settled with the distraction of TV and computer?

    Some people naturally don’t chit chat much, or are just naturally quieter. Maybe you dad will never be a great talker, maybe you dad never was?

    ‘I also don’t believe that men can express their emotions openly’ you dad might not express his feeling enough or in a way you can relate best but I think by what you wrote you dad does love love…you say your dad has cried (‘he has cried and apologized’ when you talked to him on how you ‘feel like he doesn’t love me because he doesn’t spend quality time with me and really get to know me’).
    Some people show they care by providing for their family, and by being present ….physically. Anyway it’s hard to know how your life is from a letter.

    May I make some suggestions?

    Get you dad out of the house sometimes. Is he open for spending some quality time with you (with or without your brother and mum?)? I personally have found the very best days spent with people who are closed (or negative etc) are the ones where they are put in a different situation then normal, are put outside there comfort zone. My mum is overall very negative, so I try to limit the time spent with her and I also try to arrange family days where my children and partner take her somewhere eg a boat rafting day with us or a forest walk…the newness distracts and gets them involved in the present …enjoying the present. Gives you something to experience and chat about.

    Are you both open to the idea of arranging fun time together either just you two or with your whole family? even if it’s just one day a month?

    What do you know about you dad? Has he told you all about his childhood, his experiences ?, what he would like for the future? Curiosity on his life? and sharing things you enjoyed from your childhood, fun times with him?? (I hope you have some good childhood memories with your family and dad?). Share the present, maybe not everyday but have some time put aside, something arranged? when there are no distractions?

    Best wishes

    #90033
    Snails
    Participant

    Dear Starfish

    I am sorry that this relationship, that has ended recently was also abusive. It sounds like you endured a lot for your marriages and that perhaps you put yourself aside to help others but not yourself.

    I like your spirit Starfish, you sound very caring and this caring has produced two lovely children. It is time for you to care for yourself.

    You are doing great things…you meditate, soul search, are positive and try to better yourself. May I ask? do you feel that you have healed from any pains of your past, in you childhood? Have you spend time being curious on why you bonded so strongly that you allowed yourself to be pushed down, in these two relationships you have described here? Sometimes it might be easier to talk to a trained councilor who can help direct you in areas where you might look, if you find it tricky to find these answers. I think maybe you might need a little practice in caring about yourself too. You have a lot of love in you, share it with yourself. Know you deserve to be treated as you wish your grown children are treated in a relationship.

    You say ‘ I just want to be an independent thriving, women’. It seems to me you are stepping in the right direction. You are looking for a new job. I wish you well, you have always had a place to work, given a bit more time you’ll find a job again. It will come.

    Starfish you say ‘I don’t have a real passions for a particular job’.. this is fine, sometimes our passions aren’t always our full time jobs. But what do you enjoy ? what makes you happy and absorbs you? You mention that you are a creative person, maybe as you say you didn’t have the opportunely to develop this area, it’s time. What type of creatively do you enjoy ? I think it important to express yourself in an artistic way if that’s a part of you. Months ago I searched around and found a really nice group of people to be with while creating, not only is it fun but it’s peaceful and nurturing for the sole. It’s great to have an interest or two, Have you similar groups in the area you live? What makes you happy?

    Best wishes

    #88226
    Snails
    Participant

    Hi ElleTinker,
    Very beautifully filmed..both you and your dress look lovely gliding through the breeze tussled grass

    #88209
    Snails
    Participant

    Hi Peach,

    Welcome to TinyBuddha.

    Sleeping in? That’s can mean different things. For my partner, before we had kids, he’d sleep in till 12pm -2pm but now even with the kids getting older, a very good sleep in would be after 8am xD. So of cause this makes a huge difference on how the rest of the day can be spent…what is a ‘sleep in’ to you?

    You say ‘He goes to the pub after work’ .. may I ask how often/week? you don’t have to answer just wondering, because is he having to sleep in both days of the weekend to ‘catch’ up on sleep because he’s been burning both sides of the candles?
    Perhaps discuss a compromise with him? like he can sleep in on one of his days off as long as he wants?? 🙂 but he might set the alarm for a ‘reasonable’ time on the other day he’s off, so you can both enjoy each others company…I agree that a good marriage should not only be work, sleep and tv. It’s not a good habit and can lead to ‘boredom with the partnership’ if it becomes the norm. So some ideas together for ‘some’ quality time together…it’s not an unreasonable request. When my partner has been away and has jet lag, quality time usually ends up being a ‘board game’ and some good talking together for us, bets tv, and he gets to rest at home.

    I can relate to finding it difficult to venture out to meet people as I’m a bit of a recluse myself but I really recommend you give it a go ok, it’s good for you and it’s good for your partner if you also find happiness outside of you two only. Before you moved did you have a hobby or pass time that might help you mingle and get to know a group of like minded people in your new area?

    Best wishes
    Snails

    #86481
    Snails
    Participant

    Anita
    I see that you have addressed a post to me..I will not force myself to read any of it, I have no curiosity on what words you use now, nor do I wish to re explain myself again.

    I did read your post to Jack, but was not disappointed, as I no longer see you a kind Anita but by the term you also use ‘Fighting Cat Anita’ , that you had no words of wisdom for him – for his lack of kind words for Moon.

    Jack I hope that one day you will be able to see that how you spoke to Moon was unkind, she was being caring to everyone and trying for reason.

    Dear Moon:
    What you wrote, your words are clear and carry a very good message. I appreciate that you wrote these words for everyone as it does apply to everyone, not only for this post but all posts and the written word in general. Thank you very much for taking the time to try to help out in Tiny Buddha, all the best with everything

    #86460
    Snails
    Participant

    Jack you effectively shut down any other views on what I was saying – if anyone else saw what I was truly trying to say it, to express it here would now mean they are too are ‘against Anita’
    Truely Anita I have never been against you but probably after the last post when you now say you have never understood any of my previous posts I don’t feel like hugging you as much – I find how you are now saying you don’t understand me at all and asking for back up to be the very things you said about me a ‘trap, manipulative, prejudging’

    #86456
    Snails
    Participant

    Dear Anita,
    I have been very clear, I find that even though I have been kind to your ‘Fighting Cat Anita’ she has not.
    Perhaps since none of my posts are clear..you might like to write what you think they mean.. as you seem to think I am somehow attacking you?
    I have only been kind to you please show me the same respect!

    #86450
    Snails
    Participant

    Dear Anita,
    I had a busy day yesterday and than wanted to sleep on it (I had a very strange dream from it ..so wont go into it xD).

    I see you have written more but I’ve set myself a small amount of time to type this out, I’ve already written in pencil my words (I’ll type below), as I’ve plans for today. But umm… trap, manipulative, prejudging? how would you feel if you were given these words? I will agree I can be indirect sometimes, I thinks that’s more to to do with insecurities than the word ‘manipulation’ , the word you use. It was not my intention for you to feel trapped by my questions. I also will stand up for myself and say I feel you are being more harsh with me than my posts deserved, and I hope you put your ‘fighting cat Anita’ away, I only wish to feed her milk.
    ————————–
    ‘This question is a trap’.. no I didn’t mean this to be, at least on my side of things.. but I do now wonder why you think that is?. I will agree with you in that when people ask questions , people often can / do think ahead on what might be the answer – that’s human nature… as you have also done with my posts.

    So I wonder, are you glad you are the person you are today, living the life you are today because as I have explained in the last post it is my experience that if you talk about the past a lot.. the bad bits (without any benefit as you all learnt all you can already from it), it effects today. I ask because I would like to hear if this is correct for you? I could guess.. but to get your truth, I ask you.
    ‘How do you feel you have come out of the other side?’ – may have been a different way of saying it, but I wonder more specifically than that.. to the questions I asked.

    Since it seems? you would like to hear my subconscious thought on what answers I ‘guess’ you may give? I will say I wonder this as in some of your posts I feel hurt from you still, and it effects your happiness today. I could be way off, that’s why I ask. Maybe you only mention your past and hurts, in a place of healed as much as possible and now share to help open others up so they are more comfortable to share things they haven’t healed enough about to move on from?

    Best wishes

    #86342
    Snails
    Participant

    Hi Anita, I feel I have hurt you, I am sorry it was not my intention. I was sharing how I felt about my bad childhood (except for the last paragraph and I’ll get to that a bit later) what I feel I learnt from it. I still deeply believe that if you experience something bad, be it short term or long, you should think about it, feel it experience it.. but mostly what can I learn from it. Learning from it gives it at least some purpose. I feel this has helped me.
    I asked ‘what would I achieve, to keep reliving it?… after you’ve learnt as much as possible, got as much as you can from it?’ maybe could you please answer that for me ?… I can not see how that can help if I’ve already learnt as much as I could already, it only spoils my today.

    My own mother, I wish she had learnt this, learnt that her childhood was her childhood, her past… that reliving all that hurt and dumping all that dirt on her children doesn’t Help. I wish she had learnt all she could from it, experienced it all so she would could of moved past it all. She’s over 65 and still hasn’t (even with talking to professionals) I have limited contact with her because she still, gets in her moods and dumps and dumps. She will never understand she kills today when she thinks about yesterday. She will not let go of the anger and hurt, but hurts herself today with it.

    I can’t begin to understand all the hurts you have suffered as a child. You replied to another user name, I used once, and you used a very strong negative word to describe my childhood, that was kind of you especially since I believe you endured much more.

    Anita the last paragraph again? Are you glad you are the person you are today? living the life you are living today? Are you?

    #86339
    Snails
    Participant

    If I wanted to make myself feel down, I could by focusing on the bad stuff from childhood – but what would I achieve, to keep reliving it?… after you’ve learnt as much as possible, got as much as you can from it?

    When I read the words -strength, resilience, that they wouldn’t be the people they are today.. someone they are glad to be – that seems to me to be such a good place they’ve led themselves, or what you could pay someone to help you achieve. When you know in your heart that there was positives that came from negatives, is it not easier to thank your inner child to of experienced this/ live through this, for you because you now are the person you are today?

    Besides the above, another thing I’m happy I gained from my childhood is a low happiness threshold, it doesn’t take all that much to make me happy and feel content. Mostly the way I see it is, I’ll probably live to be in my 80’s and if I were to be granted one wish I wouldn’t use it to change my childhood when I’ve got so many years in front and just going down to the Mega Office Supply shop is fun for me?

    Anita I’ve read a lot of your posts, you came across very caring. I’m glad you were strong enough to of survived your childhood. Are you glad you are the person you are today? living the life you are living today?
    I hope you are having a content and happy day today.

    #79736
    Snails
    Participant

    Hi Inky,

    Sorry, maybe I didn’t understand your situation right? it was my understanding your neighbors hasn’t been with this group (JW) for very long?
    What does your neighbors think about who the lady who visited you and what shes done? – the one that disowned her son for being a ‘non believer’?
    Is this what the group as a whole would do or is this lady somehow ‘Extra’ into it all?

    I think I would have a lot of difficulty in having a good friendship with someone who fine with the idea of being in a group, that’s general belief is that you should no longer even see your own child if they are a non ‘believer’.

    I’m hoping she doesn’t know much about it all yet, that’s the reason I thought keeping in contact with her might be good for her and also for the friendship you share

    I hope it all turns out for the best

    Best wishes

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Snails.
    #79711
    Snails
    Participant

    Dear Inky,

    My partner is friends with someone who is JW, and even suggested and gave him a character reference for a job at the company my P. works for.

    They’re both open enough to of enjoyed a few religious debates, but my P has never felt like his friend pressures to convert him (or maybe his friend just realizes you can’t get blood from a stone xD). The main idea my partner was trying to open up is the idea that God is probably fairly flexible (they both have a third common friend who is heavily christian)…. so these two religious friends believes the other will not have an after life because of the day of the week they practice! Saturday vs Sunday:) ….and well I suppose both these two friends probably think my partner and I haven’t a chance at all !! xD … not only do we live in ‘sin’ we’ve also chosen to have our two children out of wed lock !! xD

    Perhaps it depends on which JW place of worship they attend and how ‘extreme’ that particular congregation is?

    During my last year of Uni one of my best friends there got married and they rented a home with a separate downstairs area with the intention her sister share it. But the arrangement soon felt through because of a job offer for her sister elsewhere. My friend hinted and I accepted the offer to rent with her as living on campus was to noisy.

    As they were newly married and both Very religious but neither like the others church enough, they ‘shopped’ around together. There was a big difference to how these churches they tried out were run and the ‘rules’….and yes some didn’t like to much outside mingling (non congregation members)

    They didn’t really try hard to convert me…or maybe I just didn’t feel threatened that she was?… like when they went off to church she’d call down ‘would you like to come along’.
    My friend used to come down stairs in the evenings and share our uni study area and once she did cry because I didn’t go to church… she was sad to think I’d end up ‘in hell’…but she explained herself very well and I could tell she did it with love for me. We had a very long chat about it all. I wasn’t uncomfortable with her thinking I’d end up in hell, I was kind of sad for her being so upset because she cared for me and my ‘future’, and I thanked her a lot for her concern.

    We got on fine she accepted that I wouldn’t be joining them to go to church and ‘yes’ I was very comfortable in knowing I would go to hell (if I was wrong) but she also knew that in my eyes I feel I’ll still end up somewhere as long as I try to be a good person. She still would called down on that they’re off to church now and I’d call back up a cheerful see ya later xD

    Inky if it were my son who was good friends with the JW next door, I’d still let him play with him… the world is full of so much nonacceptance.. I believe if you have a happy and loved life, and you have strong morals and values it’s kind of more difficult to have strong beliefs changed…I’d probably have a quick friendly family chat about all the different religions and how you’re happy your family’s religion is very open to let everyone decide how they practice their beliefs and day to day life. I think it’s a good thing to expose our children to different beliefs (not having to practice them but the ideas behind them) and the idea that others are feel to live their own lives. Perhaps it might be nice to invite your sons friend to your home more often than theirs, if you’re uncomfortable or you believe that they are giving religious instructions there? but a quick chat with your son would confirm this?

    And for your friend maybe if she isn’t open to you having different ideas, perhaps agree to avoid religion discussion and see if you can just enjoy each others company? maybe if she brings it up you could let her know how you care for her so much and if she could consider ‘shopping around’ at different places of worship, especially if she starts to feel even any slight comfortableness in their ideas and rules?… I’ve found that if someone is very focus on an idea arranging a ‘doing’ outing gets everyone focused on the moment and sharing some light fun and laughter instead

    Best wishes

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Snails.
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