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Hi Gang!
Some of you may remember my last query about the Jehovah Witnesses and my neighbors being taken in and our kids are best friends.
OK, so after the husband tried to proselytize me I said to the wife, “Your DH is actually turning me AWAY from the JW’s, and it should be the women I talk to.”
Well sure enough, one of the JW ladies came to the door. She wanted me to read a passage from the New Translation Bible but I got right to the point of what was bothering me.
“Is it true you practice shunning? Has anyone in your Kingdom Hall ever been disfellowshipped and why?”
The lady told me about how she doesn’t talk to her son. All he had said was, “I don’t believe”. Then she went on reciting some script like she was hypnotized and making sports team allegories.
I’m all, “You’re talking to me, an unbeliever, but you won’t talk to the kid? Are you sure this is Biblical because I don’t think it is. Are you sure it’s not just the culture that comes with being a member of your Kingdom Hall, an interpretation of the New Traslation, or a faulty Watchtower doctrine?”
Then she’s pressuring me to look up Scripture to support my case and she’ll come back in half an hour. I’m all, “No, there’s no rush. You’re here all the time and I’m not moving, so I’ll see you next time.” She looked really shaken and uncomfortable as she left.
I immediately call my neighbor who’s studying with them and said, “OK, the lady (____) won’t talk to her son because he’s disfellowshipped.” I told her the whole story. I say, “OMG, I would NEVER do that to my child! Can you imagine?! These people are NUTS!! If you want to be baptized, great, but don’t baptize the whole family or you eventually won’t see them again.” Now my friend’s shaken up.
LATE the next night, I see a bunch (3? 4 cars?) of the JWs over at the neighbors! Even my DH says, “I feel like we’re under siege”. Meaning, I’m the agent of Satan who blew their cover who’s making the neighbors Think! Then he says, “Should our DS be going over there??”
So on top of losing friends to the cult, DH especially is worried about our younger son’s soul. DS already said, “No presents for my birthday. PLEASE.” (the JW’s don’t celebrate holidays).
I know you will tell me to let them be, but the problem is we live practically on top of each other and the kids are inseparable. Our plan is to make sure our kid is busy with school, sports, Scouts, chess and Confirmation class (ironically so he has it up to “here” with religion!!) to fill his time more.
I feel like I’m in the first fifteen minutes of a LifeTime original movie!! Advice? Wisdom?
Hi anita,
I have thought about how I might be overreacting. But you know when you think “Oh, it’s not that bad” and then a horror story unwraps before your eyes?
I have one entertaining thought though: The family becomes baptized. A JW spy catches the father smoking. They haul him in front of a judicial committee. A 25 year old window washer Elder looks at him funny. The father explodes “THAT’S IT! FAMILY, WE’RE OUTTA HERE!” The wife is afraid to talk to the husband and also afraid not to. She eventually gets disfellowshipped because he has the car and she can’t make it to meetings or sneak out of the house. The year before the son goes to college and becomes Buddhist. The mother shuns him. He doesn’t notice.
😀
Inky
Anita ~ My best friend’s sister became a Witness. She was a “nice Jewish girl” so she made a quantum leap ~ from Judaism to JWs, bypassing regular Christianity. Ironically, she is the smartest one of all of us. To the point where I was questioning what made her “go there”. I think it is COMMUNITY. Lovely people. Like you said, they love Order and Simplicity. I had joked it must be the food. AND, more seriously, the sister gracefully bypassed all the holiday dramas and traumas by not showing up. Genius!
For the neighbors, they gave the wife COMMUNITY and the husband ATTENTION. I notice it’s a bit of a boy’s club. He gets to “Preach” and can have a little taste of “power”? I guess?? Also, the neighbors are smarter than they think they are, which grieves me. There are NO books in their house. And here are these people spoon feeding them “The Truth”.
Now, I never had cared until the husband starts talking like a pamphlet. Then they were saying how the JW’s don’t believe you have to go to college. Meanwhile, they have this son. VERY quick. VERY bright. DESERVES to go to college. And if they stay on this path, HE is the one that’s going to Question sooner rater than later. (Unless the dad has one of his typical anger-scenes, but this time in Kingdom Hall and ruins it for everyone.)
mook ~ WHERE do I go from here? How do I play my cards now? How to handle my son? How best to “snap them out of it”?? Or do I lay low and pray?
Dear Inky,
My partner is friends with someone who is JW, and even suggested and gave him a character reference for a job at the company my P. works for.
They’re both open enough to of enjoyed a few religious debates, but my P has never felt like his friend pressures to convert him (or maybe his friend just realizes you can’t get blood from a stone xD). The main idea my partner was trying to open up is the idea that God is probably fairly flexible (they both have a third common friend who is heavily christian)…. so these two religious friends believes the other will not have an after life because of the day of the week they practice! Saturday vs Sunday:) ….and well I suppose both these two friends probably think my partner and I haven’t a chance at all !! xD … not only do we live in ‘sin’ we’ve also chosen to have our two children out of wed lock !! xD
Perhaps it depends on which JW place of worship they attend and how ‘extreme’ that particular congregation is?
During my last year of Uni one of my best friends there got married and they rented a home with a separate downstairs area with the intention her sister share it. But the arrangement soon felt through because of a job offer for her sister elsewhere. My friend hinted and I accepted the offer to rent with her as living on campus was to noisy.
As they were newly married and both Very religious but neither like the others church enough, they ‘shopped’ around together. There was a big difference to how these churches they tried out were run and the ‘rules’….and yes some didn’t like to much outside mingling (non congregation members)
They didn’t really try hard to convert me…or maybe I just didn’t feel threatened that she was?… like when they went off to church she’d call down ‘would you like to come along’.
My friend used to come down stairs in the evenings and share our uni study area and once she did cry because I didn’t go to church… she was sad to think I’d end up ‘in hell’…but she explained herself very well and I could tell she did it with love for me. We had a very long chat about it all. I wasn’t uncomfortable with her thinking I’d end up in hell, I was kind of sad for her being so upset because she cared for me and my ‘future’, and I thanked her a lot for her concern.We got on fine she accepted that I wouldn’t be joining them to go to church and ‘yes’ I was very comfortable in knowing I would go to hell (if I was wrong) but she also knew that in my eyes I feel I’ll still end up somewhere as long as I try to be a good person. She still would called down on that they’re off to church now and I’d call back up a cheerful see ya later xD
Inky if it were my son who was good friends with the JW next door, I’d still let him play with him… the world is full of so much nonacceptance.. I believe if you have a happy and loved life, and you have strong morals and values it’s kind of more difficult to have strong beliefs changed…I’d probably have a quick friendly family chat about all the different religions and how you’re happy your family’s religion is very open to let everyone decide how they practice their beliefs and day to day life. I think it’s a good thing to expose our children to different beliefs (not having to practice them but the ideas behind them) and the idea that others are feel to live their own lives. Perhaps it might be nice to invite your sons friend to your home more often than theirs, if you’re uncomfortable or you believe that they are giving religious instructions there? but a quick chat with your son would confirm this?
And for your friend maybe if she isn’t open to you having different ideas, perhaps agree to avoid religion discussion and see if you can just enjoy each others company? maybe if she brings it up you could let her know how you care for her so much and if she could consider ‘shopping around’ at different places of worship, especially if she starts to feel even any slight comfortableness in their ideas and rules?… I’ve found that if someone is very focus on an idea arranging a ‘doing’ outing gets everyone focused on the moment and sharing some light fun and laughter instead
Best wishes
Hi Inky,
Sorry, maybe I didn’t understand your situation right? it was my understanding your neighbors hasn’t been with this group (JW) for very long?
What does your neighbors think about who the lady who visited you and what shes done? – the one that disowned her son for being a ‘non believer’?
Is this what the group as a whole would do or is this lady somehow ‘Extra’ into it all?I think I would have a lot of difficulty in having a good friendship with someone who fine with the idea of being in a group, that’s general belief is that you should no longer even see your own child if they are a non ‘believer’.
I’m hoping she doesn’t know much about it all yet, that’s the reason I thought keeping in contact with her might be good for her and also for the friendship you share
I hope it all turns out for the best
Best wishes
Hi Matt and Snails,
Thank you!!
There’s a quote “You don’t know what you don’t know until you know”.
Well, for FIVE YEARS the wife next door would have these “harmless” Bible studies. I thought the worst part was not celebrating holidays. But let me tell you, I almost went to Kingdom Hall myself and was impressed with how well they knew the text.
It’s ONLY when her DH talked like a pamphlet I that got that creepy Lifetime movie music feeling and looked the group up on the internet. To see a horror show s@!# storm!!
Now I feel like a dope and am kicking myself because in my hubris pride think I could have nipped this in the bud FIVE YEARS AGO with one simple PBS documentary! But then, they, too, have brains. It’s inconceivable that they never looked up or researched their own religious interest online. I mean we don’t even watch a movie without looking at reviews online.
If they ever bring it up, my other “spear” could be, “Can the JWs survive the internet?? NO ONE’S converting and EVERYONE’S leaving who has online access.” Leave THAT tempting fruit in their face!
Ironically, they visited our church and our pastor bored them and was a downer during his political statement talks. IF ONLY THE OTHER PASTOR WAS THERE my friends wouldn’t be JW students!!! LOL
P.S. It’s four days later, three after the “Siege” and the dad calls up to see if the boys can play. Or my DH would call and get the wife. All about the boys. I think they are either told to be afraid of me, are actually afraid of me, OR are secretly horrified at what I found out OR just wants this to go away!!
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