Hey Violet,
I’m sorry that you’re having a really hard time right now. I think I’m having quite different thoughts from Inky, so I hope I don’t make it too confusing by adding my perspective.

It happened. This is reality and even though it might be very painful, it’s okay. Just embrace it. It’s reality, it happened, but it doesn’t determine who you are, it won’t destroy you. Sit with the pain and observe it. And as you sit with the pain, you will notice that in addition to the part of you that feels pain, there will be another part of you who observes this pain. This can help you understand that you’re more than your pain or your thoughts about what a naive person you were. They’re just thoughts, just stories you tell yourself.

Someone played with you and even though you could have seen it coming, you didn’t want to, because it was very nice to have someone give you attention and affection. You were looking for belonging and affection and he gave that to you. That makes it very easy for you to wish for more. So don’t beat yourself up for falling for him because it’s a very human thing to do. It doesn’t mean your naive or a bad person, it just means you really wanted to fulfill your needs of human connection and feeling loved.

I think it’s important for you that you gain clarity on how you want to move on in your life? Are you truly happy with your husband? If not, what is missing? And can you be truly happy with him if this secret stands between the two of you? Are things worth fixing or do you want to leave him?
I think, while this is a very painful situation for you and I’m sorry that you’re struggling so much, it’s also a great opportunity for you to reflect and explore what it is you really want and how happy you are right now.

All the best to you.