Hello Elle and Lavender. I couldn’t help but be reminded of my past romance reading your stories. I was with a man who grew apart from me. I kept fighting to make it work but he was slowly becoming noncommittal and reticent until we couldn’t cope. I learned when a person doesn’t fight for you, they don’t really want to be with you. Ultimately I find this is a good thing, even though it causes you grief the failed relationship teaches you valuable insights. As for them, they have probably grown closer to finding themselves through the ups and downs of your relationship, perhaps this was your gift to them.

Now I may have misread but it sounds like you both are, in your own way, still waiting or settling for these individuals. This seems unwise to me, life is too short to wait for someone to grow to love you. If they have issues with commitment that equates to a lack of self knowledge. Someone who does not know themselves cannot know what they truly desire, which means they cannot give you what you seek. I say let them go, do not seek them out and add to their confusion by trying to romance them or encouraging their misguided advances. (A fickle person trying to actualize the self via intimacy is not unusual, but it’s often disparaging for the cognizant party involved.) Both of you ladies sound like loving, giving people, find or wait for a kindred spirit. When you meet someone who makes you feel utterly wanted and appreciated you’ll wonder why you ever put up with anything else. There are over 6 billion people on earth, rest assured the odds of meeting that special someone are good, and you deserve to be with them.

Much love. 🙂