Jayson, thank you for your input. I feel maintenance is necessary in a marriage. That’s why they say marriage takes work. But it’s hard to work on a relationship when it feels like I’m the only one doing the work. I initiate the conversations. I’m the one who wants to talk. I’m the one who wants us to be closer. I’ve asked if he would like to try a cooking club so we could make better meals and cook healthy. I asked if he would be interested in taking a dance lesson. He answered no to both. I’ve learned that if I want to do something I just have to go ahead and do it and he will either join me or he won’t. I agree that a divorce would be extremely painful and I’m not certain that’s what I want.

Hi Regina, In regards to the romance, yes I have tried, however, I have come to accept that he is just not that way. He doesn’t have it in him. So now I need to choose whether or not I can live without that. We have gone to counseling and he said he would go again, but he’s told me many times that he doesn’t believe in it. When I think of starting a conversation with him or suggest counseling, I’m filled with dread. I appreciate the comment you made about the article you read. It sounds interesting and I would agree. The times when I feel sad or angry about our relationship, I withdraw and it feels like I am leading a separate life from him, but not to the extent you described.

Hurley inspired me and I decided to focus on learning to love myself and making myself happy. I just have this fear that as I continue to grow, that I might outgrow him.