The “30-day No Contact Rule” is one of the most-misunderstood and over-hyped “gimmicks” that the lovelorn use to accomplish what many times should not even be attempted: reestablish a toxic relationship.

While it does serve a very useful purpose, even several–regaining one’s self-respect, automony, and the setting of personal boundaries–there is no empiracle proof…zero, that it can reliably rekindle feelings of affection or desire in someone who has kicked a partner to the curb.

Again, to withdraw–either by tapering or cold turkey from a relationship that has ultimately become a source of significant emotional distress–“no contact” is powerful medicine and like many cures it comes with considerable distres itself but it is self limited. Studies in neuropsychology have indicated that if something happened three months ago or longer,it has very little impact on our happiness, unless we interfere with the brain’s powerful capacity to heal from the psychic trauma.

Therefore, at a minimium, no-contact should be maintained for 90 days. But exactly what is “no contact”. One can choose to dispassionately RESPOND or NOT respond to a call, text, or message but one cannot, under any circumstance, initiate contact.
Ideally, one should committ to being in a responsive mode only. “I’m doing great. Thanks. Hope all is well with you,too.”
If you choose to respond to a call, keep it short–and wait until the next day. Either respond with a text or a VERY short call. “Hi, saw you called. Was really busy and I can’t really talk now. But thnks for the well wishes.” If the person tries to talk about the relationship, just say, “I really don’t care to discusss that now. Got to run, but wanted to say, Hi.”

The idea is that you begin to lay out the rules of engagement. YOU decide if you’ll respond, when, and how. You will discover that if you use “no contact” like this while admitting your only mistake was making a bad choice to be involved with that person at this time in your life, in three months you may wonder what all the fuss was about.