It happened with me a couple of weeks ago. Yes, he said he liked me a lot, many and many times. I was not so sure, as like you I am on my fifties and I am not one of jumping into a relationship that fast. Then he was texting, not my kind of thing either. Then, he apologized, and I apologized. Something is not right when a relationship begins with sorry. I mean, once one is married it is OK, but in the beginning?
I take it as a red flag. Does it hurt? It hurts a lot. I cried and for a couple of days all seemed gloomy. But listen, it was not meant to be. It really does not matter if he is not into you or anything else. You deserve someone to make you happy, not someone to make you say sorry all the time just because you are who you are. Unless you have a big defect you don’t need to change substantially to please a guy. Because you will lose your self respect.
You should improve who your are for yourself not for a guy. Because in the end you will feel angry that you did so much for him. And that is also not good. Remain whole.

Jan, I’ve actually experimented with the “30 Day No Contact Rule”, but let me tell you, it really varies depending on the person and the situation…To give you a better idea, I think I’ll explain some of my experiences with it.

In one of my relationships, I was crushed emotionally by the guy. He turned on me and decided to tell his friends that what we had was “nonexistent” and that I was a “stalker” and a “psycho”. For a while there, I became so depressed that I believed it. I wanted to let out all my feelings…unleash EVERY bit of anger on him that was pent up inside of my mind. I even started to. But my mom told me that it was a bad idea. She told me that I’d get farther ignoring him completely than I would saying even one word to him. I argued with her, saying, “But wait, if I say nothing, won’t that make him think he’s won? Won’t it make him think he’s right?” My mom told me that no, it wouldn’t work like that. She told me that all I had to do was cease any and all contact with this guy and he would eventually come back to me, trying to talk to me again. I told her there was no way he would. I said that there was no way this guy would ever try talking to me. Why would he, after he’d said all those terrible things about me? And so I tried it her way. I didn’t talk to him, I didn’t text him, didn’t call him, didn’t interact with him on his social media sites…nothing. And for a while it was torture. I couldn’t take it. Days and days on end passed and there was no indication that he’d try talking to me again. I began to doubt my mom’s advice. I almost texted him a few times. But I stopped myself. And then one day, about two or three months after we’d stopped talking, he started a conversation with me as if we had never ended things…as if he had never called me all those names. It was so mind boggling, let me tell you. But after I thought about it for a while, it made sense. Ceaselessly texting or calling a guy and trying to make them come back to you just translates to them as needy and psycho…and that’s exactly what you DON’T want them to think. If you ignore them and pretend like they don’t matter to you anymore, THAT’S what’s going to bother them. They like to gloat and feel as though you’re going to be miserable without them, and hell, that’s true a lot of the time. I’m miserable right now because my boyfriend left me, and I love him still. I’m still in the process of THAT no contact period, and to tell you the truth, it doesn’t necessarily take 30 days. It could be less than that, or more. But remember this. If a guy sees you doing well, looking good, smiling and laughing, they’re going to beat themselves up wondering what or WHO is making you this happy, since it’s not them anymore. Don’t keep emailing the guy. Let him have time and space to miss you. If the relationship actually meant something to him, which it sounds like it did, then there’s no way in hell those feelings just disappeared. You have to wait. Be patient. If things don’t work out, then maybe it wasn’t meant to be. I hate to be the one to say that, but it’s true. I wish you the best of luck.

Hi All

This really hit home with me so I hope you don’t mind me adding my thoughts. I agree with @wigirl that you have to follow your heart. I’m kind of trying the same thing (I’m doing 60 days). Its hard as hell. And we don’t live in the same city so there is no way that I can illicit the kind of response @kaileygilbert describes in terms of letting him know I’m happy. I’m also not on any social media. So its just pure and simple no contact.

I think, reading these posts, that part of my motivation in doing so is that I want to believe that if I leave him alone, he will come back. I wondered what others thought about the no contact rule and if in fact this motivation is necessarily a bad/wrong one? I mean, its forcing me to get on with my own life, but it does feel a little bit like constant white noise in the back of my mind- he might come back, he might come back. I’m not sure if that is the best for my recovery. BUT its at least stopping me contact him (I’ve heard so many tales like @kaileygilbert describes, ie leave him be and he’ll come back if its meant to be, and I find it very hard not to hope that will happen). I’m not going to pass up other opportunities if they come my way, and I’m not sitting around moping and waiting, but the hope is making it somewhat easier to bear. That we are not necessarily never going to see each other again. That maybe, one day….

I’m sorry to jump on this bandwagon @janfromjersey but I do understand where you are coming from.

Is it the action (not contacting) or the attitude that matters? ?? I think that’s more the question for me.

Its also easier to do no contact if you don’t think you will get the response you want anyway, which is what I am kind of coming round to seeing. As more time goes on and he doesn’t contact me I think he probably doesn’t care. It makes me very sad.

I’m still stuck on the texting! (sorry!)

Only texting? A Major red flag.

He dumped you because you were “too needy”. That’s code for “I can’t put my side attraction in a nice little contained box”. He is probably not as in the middle of a divorce as you think.

And if I give him the benefit of the doubt? He has many interests and doesn’t want his sub-worlds to collide. You are too much “work”, and after a long marriage he wants easy breezy relationships.

Reclaim your power. You didn’t lose him. He is Lost, even to himself.

Next relationship? Lose the cell phone. If a relationship was ruined by mere texting, then something else was fundamentally wrong. Consider it a blessing.

Thank you all again for your kind words. I’m doing my best to accept the fact that he is gone and not coming back. I’ve been trying to do things and keep busy – it’s lonely but I will keep trying. As I’m sure anyone can understand, I think of him all the time and get sad when I recall the fun we had when we spent time together.

I know it will get easier as time passes. It’s getting to that point that is difficult.

Hi @lovemygreyhound

I’m curious how this worked out for you too, I’m going through the same thing, boyfriend withdrew and just said he couldn’t be in a relationship right now and got very resentful from a fight we had that led to the breakup and he ultimately drew comparisons in his mind to his ex and I…… anyways I have just started to apply the 30 day no contact rule curious how it turned out for you…… 2 weeks ago I ended up sending him an apology letter and accepting things, he sent an apology letter back and I further thanked him by text, keeping very cool and composed and after that, 4 days later, he seemed to be coming around cuz he sent me a movie trailer to our fave movie (3rd sequal out this winter)….. then a few days later I think he saw guys commenting on my profile and he started liking photos (something he never EVER did)……… I’m only less than 2 weeks into no contact (started it after he sent me the movie trailer as a replied with a “oooh looks good”)……. and I’m going MENTAL lol it’s sooo hard and painful….. but I’m wondering what happened for you.

Thanks so much 🙂