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Reply To: My ex of five years called off our wedding

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#69103
Courtney
Participant

Thank you all for the helpful responses! A few quotes that I took away were:

“…if this man loved you more than anything else in the world and his happiness was contingent on your happiness, then he would not only never consider leaving you, but he wouldn’t put you through the pain and embarrassment of a breakup and then continue to use you for intimacy and friendship.”

“Using anger to try and control your behavior, and having no understanding and compassion for what you are going through – it’s a BLESSING that he is calling off the wedding.”

“You deserve to be with someone who accepts that you are a flawed, beautiful human being with issues.”

And Lucinda, you asked a great question:
Why would you want to be with someone who does not honor who you are, does not honor your lifelong attempts at meaningful change and growth, and wants you to be a different person than you are, or else he is angry?

These are important questions to ask myself. I’ve exhibited obsessive compulsive behaviors along with my anxiety (example: the urge to google symptoms out of fear) and he compared me to an alcoholic who just couldn’t stop despite knowing the behavior was bad for me. This is hurtful because he truly doesn’t understand the spectrum of anxiety disorders and all of their complexities.

My heart has been telling me to move on. I do love him but our relationship isn’t healthy and he makes me feel ashamed of myself and my issues.

And the only reason he has been physically intimate and friendly toward me is because I haven’t had a panic attack or anxiety issues recently. If I were struggling like I have in the past I can guarantee he’d be halfway out the door and paying little attention to me.