Rosey, i admire your position against pills. But i have my mother in picture. I cant hide from her the extent of my suffering. Shed very concerned about my situation after i became home drunk, started crying and saying stupid shit about suicide. She also sees how i lost my ability to sleep and lack of appetite,, its impossible to fake good behavior around her. Anyway, she suffer with me despite my efforts to keep her out of it. And she doesnt deserve it. Recently i caught her in her room, she was crying, holding christian icon and prayed for the cure of her sons depression. So i feel kind of obligated to take pills because without them i can struggle for very long time before result. And mother will suffer with me during this.