Thanks a lot for the reply.
Yes, I’m aware of the fact that once I open up, I’m more in control of my emotions. I had done that a year ago. I went and told hi to the person whom I had a crush on. Introduced myself and spoke for 5mins and left. It gave me such a joy. But later when I realised that he wasn’t interested in me, I felt so bad.
I know rejection is a part of this and would like to take it in my stride. But most of the time I end up being taking it personal.
I have noticed that I also have certain pattern in these encounters. I will be the happiest if my crush sees me or when I was in a relationship then, if that person calls me or meet me. The other days I will pull myself to the rock bottom and think that they aren’t interested in me or I’m not worthy of them. Those days when I feel like that are dreadful and scary. I think that stems from my childhood experience wherein I was called names and no one really made me understand my worth. Even now, I think I’m unconsciously looking fir validation from outside people.
Today also I saw him, but he didn’t even look at me and hence my day is doomed. I know and I keep telling myself that I should not place my happiness in other people’s hand, but this keeps happening.
I guess I really need to work on myself in order to get out of all these patterns.
I wish the best for you too and its good knowing that even I’m not alone with my emotions and feelings.