Steve,

There were several reasons I hopped off after such a short time. I never got any really nasty messages, but definitely some where I could tell the guy was just throwing out lines at everyone. Mostly though, I realized I wasn’t ready to be dating. I need some time on my own to feel really ok with being alone. So that the next time I’m in a relationship I don’t repeat the same insecure, anxiety based patterns. I think in the past I put everything into relationships and then get terrified that they will end, so I end up smothering and killing it. While I can’t take 100% responsibility for the end of my relationships, I don’t want to do what I have been doing anymore!! The kicker for me realizing I wasn’t ready for online dating was the fact that I started talking to a guy who was an (self-admitted and pretty apparent) alcoholic, didn’t have a job or license, and was clearly drunk every time we talked. Buttttt I thought we had a “connection” so after just talking to him for a couple days I was already starting to think about him and how it could work. And then one morning after staying up way too late talking to him on the phone, and then getting my feelings a little hurt when he abruptly ended the conversation, I asked myself “why the hell are you doing this??!!” Like, why was I sacrificing my sleep, my happiness, my peace….for someone who clearly did not have his shit together and was really just looking for someone to take care of him and fix him. Ughhh sorry so long, but it’s been quite the self-realizing last couple weeks.

I think the last thing you should do is give up hope, Steve. It’s frustrating for sure, and a little scary as well…but there are so many people out there. And there are a lot of good ones. Just because it hasn’t happened now that you are ready for it to happen does not mean that it won’t when the time is right!! You just have to have faith that the love you have is meant to be shared with someone who deserves it. I like being a part of a couple too. Sharing things with someone who’s your best friend and your lover…it’s awesome. I wonder if part of the reason your attitude has shifted is because you’re finding that it’s not as easy to find someone as maybe you thought it would be when you first signed up on the site? So maybe you’re becoming a little more desperate and serious about it – and, as you said – bitter. I can tell you from my short time on the site, I could spot the guys who were jaded and bitter, and I wanted nothing to do with them. I was looking for someone happy in his own life….because that’s where I’m getting to. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with putting the dating thing on the back burner for a while…focusing on things that actually do make you happy. Maybe pick up a new hobby, spend time with friends or family you haven’t seen in a while? Orrr….binge watch tv shows. You can do this for FREE by picking stuff up from the library. 😉