Hi Calavene,

I might be wrong but it sounds like you are asking the “should I stay or should I go” question. In the ideal world, she will breaks up with her boyfriend and fall in love with you because that way, you won’t end up as the bad guy. Failing that, you want to cut her off so you will stop thinking about it because hope is indeed the most exquisite torture. But if you do this, you will be inflicting pain on someone you love and because you don’t want to tell her how you feel, she will never understand why you are friends one day and get the cold shoulder the next.

So your options seems to be between hurting someone you don’t know (the boyfriend, and this will only happen if she leaves him for you) or hurting someone you love (which is a certainty if you cut her off). If the relationship between the two of you is as close as you described and that you going to see her regularly due to army training, it’s better to let her know how you feel and let her decide. Afterall, you can only be responsible for your part and it’s for her to decide who to have a relationship with. If she returns your feelings, you don’t have to get together immediately to give her time to break it off with her boyfriend. If she doesn’t, well at least you will both have closure.

Good luck man.