Hi healingnun,

I hate to say this, but when a man suddenly turns “cold” out of the blue, there is either someone else on the scene, or he had an “epiphany moment”. Like, I had a college boyfriend break up with me right after spending a month in NYC. First of all, no one can compare to NYC, not even a girl who lives there, you know? The good news (I suppose) is he came crawling back. The bad news (for him) was that I had taken him at his word, moved on, and met somebody.

And men turn “cold” to maintain control, stick to their decisions, and make your loving and questioning seem irrational. The more crazy you become because of the coldness, the more they can justify the coldness.

Also, you two are about to launch into the “Real World”. Maybe he needs space and freedom to find himself and make his fortune before marrying anyone. That is probably what’s going on here. Men need time and space to make their “nest” for a future family. They just don’t think about it that way! They just feel a need to be by themselves unattached!

The long silence at the other end means that S@!# was becoming real at his end. He is not sure. But don’t expect a thaw overnight.

The best thing you can do is STOP calling him and give him all the space he needs. If he tries to reach you, wait a few days before responding. DO NOT become emotional. Do Not! In fact, turn the tables and say, “I think you’re not the only one that needed some space. Thank you for giving me that gift.” Then pretend you’re the one who needs a break from him. See what happens.