Hi Runedalavince,

I’m not sure, but I have the feeling you are not experiencing love, you just feel lonely and it looks like he is the closest connection you have at the moment. So it is natural for you to feel kind of an attraction toward him. Yet you cannot deny that there is a big issue of trust, which needs to be solved. However, as I can see you are both unstable, you are anxious, he seems avoidant. It looks very difficult you can handle this on your own. You’ll leave a stressful life until he does enough to prove you that he is worth of trust again, on the converse he may feel stressed because of your needs and expectations. It is a very difficult path, I believe you need someone else, a friend or therapist that may reassure you along the way. Actually you may find out that the new friends are all you need.
So, he has been untrustworthy and you surely deserve someone more respectful. Do you really want him after what he has done, or do you want an idealized image of him, as gentleman you thought he was? If the answer is the second, know that’s not him at the moment, and may never be him. Maybe you can ask him to not do something like that in the future, but you have also to forgive what he has in the past. Can you forgive and give a new chance like it was the first time? Are you ready to handle a second disappointment if he does not respect his words? (I believe you are not since you are so alone now)
Can’t you think that you may find a new person someone more reliable who you can be in a new relationship with? I’m sure you can find many other friends in the workplace or the place you use to visit in Germany. Can’t your aunt introduce to anybody?
Did you really spend so much time with that man, that you cannot possibly find those same feelings for somebody else? After he was not the man you thought he was, so once again it’s not him you are missing but the idealized image of him you had.