Hi Treveor,

As a guy with similiar experiences, I can understand your frustrations and incugirl42’s advice is spot on. There is a difference between sharing your emotions (e.g. your passion about something) and unloading your emotions (e.g. telling them how much you hate your job) on someone. There is beauty in emotional vulnerability (and only confident people are able to do this without fear of judgement) and less so for people looking for help to fix their life.

Though it is true that women like confident men, I don’t think it’s got much to do with how much money, power, status etc they have in life. Sure it helps but confidence comes from within and how consistently your behaviour are with your true self. If you have to pretend to be someone else to get another person to like you, it’s an indication that you are not comfortable with certain aspects of yourself. Truly confident people are able to do embarrassing things and still coming out of the other end looking like a champion because they are comfortable with who they are. While people who talk about how much they have never come across as confident to me because their power is based on external things, which can be taken away from them in the blink of an eye. Besides, a rich man don’t have to tell others he is rich.

If you enter a relationship by pretending, you are going to end up in a bad situation because a) you attract the wrong people in your life b) by pretending to be someone else, you are saying to yourself that you are not lovable and c) you are never going to love someone who can’t see your true self. If you are looking for a true emotional connection with someone, you should never start off with a deception.

On a final note, going for partners that you are not attracted to is like going to a resturant with bad food but generous portions. Sure there are lots of it but if it is not to your liking, you are just punishing yourself in the process. Another thing to consider is that you can still fail at going for someone you don’t want and if you are going to invest the time and effort anyway, why not go for your heart’s desire?