Is there anyone else who is spending New Years Eve at home like myself? I stopped with trying to date anyone for now. I know the time isn’t right for me, but after 4 straight New Years without someone, it is starting to get old. I’m with the boys, and I only had to work until noon today so that was good. Maybe it is because I didn’t get enough sleep late night but I feel blue. You get to the point where you want to get emotional but I don’t want to give in to the negative thoughts that I have been feeling too much lately.

Tomorrow, I am going to start writing out some of the long and short term goals I want to achieve this coming year. I know it’s the cheesy thing to do this time of year, but I need to start focusing on pulling my life together more, so that I will feel ready for a relationship. It would be nice to spend new years with someone special this coming year. I can’t even remember what that is like anymore. The boys are here, and I’m creating memories with them, but I’m not creating any memories with anyone else.

I wish I spent more time with some other people when I was still married. I don’t regret being there for my kids but I gave so much to my family that I didn’t leave much for myself. My ex has a huge social life and I sit at home. Yeah, I feel like breaking down right down. I don’t want another year like this. I used to feel like I could do anything and everything could turn around, no matter how tough things became. I need to be back at that place in my mind again.