Hi Papioman

Thank you for sharing your experiences, I’m sure it wasn’t easy. I am not going to pretend to understand how you feel but I would like to share an experience I had around 15 years ago which may or may not help. I was at a point in my life when everything seemed to be going wrong, my relationship, my job and generally feeling like I had no direction. I felt like I needed to change something in my life, a major change. I decided that I was going to move to Australia and start a new life on my own. I live in the UK by the way. I had looked into the skills that Australia required for entry and registered with the embassy which was the first step. I then started looking for jobs and there were lots that I could apply for. I should have felt encouraged and excited. The problem was, even after taking this small step I felt no better. I didn’t feel excited, in fact I felt worse. I thought my decision would change everything. It didn’t. I am fortuanate to have some good friends and when I told one close friend what I had done and how I intended to change my life their response intially shocked me. They knew what I had been going through and simply said “so where do you think your current problems will go?”. They followed this up with “your problems will go with you”. It was so true, moving to the other side of the world wouldn’t have changed anything because the problems I had would still be there, just in a different country.

I think the fact that you have taken a course with the intention of teaching English abroad is a really positive step. But as you have found it hasn’t changed the way you feel. I wonder, and I am sorry if I am wrong, whether you need to concentrate on getting help for the way you feel before making big changes in your life? I am not qualified to help you but I hope my experience may help in a small way.

Take care

Andy