Hello,

Firstly, I’d like to thank everyone who responded to my post. I appreciate it. I’ll respond to all of you with my thoughts on your own situations, and on any advice you have given me.

Andyt –

I think I missed out one vital piece of information, I didn’t actually go to Australia. Solely because of the advice that my friend gave me about taking my problems with me.

I think this is pretty sound advice. If you’re looking to “escape” your problems, then taking a leap of faith into an unusual role somewhere else on the globe simply isn’t going to work. I have had a re-think since I last responded to your post, though. I initially said I would stay put and work on getting better before making any big life decisions. However, a large bulk of my issues emanate stagnation of the soul, and I would be willing to do anything, even if it is taking a huge risk, to defibrillate, so to speak, my spirit. I do not expect the imps of my psyche to scatter away weeping as soon as I see the pink hues of a sun setting over ice-capped mountains. But I do however think that any sort of variety in life can help us to view our problems in a different light. We are exploratory beings, and sometimes, perhaps a little danger is needed to stoke the embers.

I need to now concentrate on becoming happy with myself again and I am doing that one day at a time. But I do feel better equipped now, I guess through the experience I had 15 years ago. As well as talking to friends I took professional advice and it helped. It didn’t fix me but it did put me on the right path. Maybe that is an option for you?

I’m currently seeing a psychiatrist and am in line for some proper therapy. I’m glad you’re feeling better than you did all those years ago. I know, just from the fact that you are selfless enough to want to offer consolation on internet forums, you have the intelligence to put your life right and to live a good, balanced life.

I only came across this site two days ago and the advice on here has really helped me re-focus on the most important thing in my life right now, me. Yes that is selfish but I do believe that its ok to be selfish sometimes.

I would have to disagree with you that looking after oneself is selfish. It is very unselfish to nourish yourself. It might sound clichéd, but how can we look after others if we cannot look after ourselves? Our judgement would be clouded by our own fears, regrets, angst, etc. Treat yourself well, Andy.

You said that you have friends but they seem vague and distant. Is this because they don’t actually know how you are feeling? Are you able to talk to them openly?

I do have friends, but often I will go days without really talking to any of them. I suppose because I am waiting for them to talk to me. I am able to talk openly with one good friend, but he is very busy and won’t be in the country for much longer. (He’s back temporarily from living and travelling abroad.) However, this forum has lifted quite a big weight, so thank you.

Kyniska –

I can empathize with feeling so at peace with everything and then losing it and feeling like nothing you do is “in step” with the Universe.

It is comforting to know that you have had a similar experience. Referring to it as being “in step” with the universe is also a beautiful way of putting it. When the light has gone, and the chaos of not “knowing” resumes, what do you do? It seems like a cruel trick, does it not? I think you’re right in saying that the path comes and goes, although “sometimes we see it and sometimes we don’t.” Very well put.

Even if you’re unsure about teaching English, it IS a step and in my limited experience, that is better than standing still. It’s that “leap” people are always talking about. If you were sure it was going to work out, it wouldn’t be so unnerving, but I think that accepting the challenge, accepting that the outcome might not be what you want, is what gives you the sort of strength and momentum you’re looking for. The path comes and goes, I think. I don’t think we ever really lose it, we just stop seeing it from time to time. I hope that helps, and I am wishing good things for you.

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.

Tracy –

I feel better knowing others are having a tough time too, last year I was recovering from a nervous breakdown, job loss, single mom etc, I went to therapy-all the time and told him everything, no secrets. I also went away, which was a god send, It’s a different energy and and you will come home with different energy,Its not running away, its rejuvenating, and life lessons galore… good luck!

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a difficult time. If you’re in a different, better place now after your travels, welcome back. 🙂

princeadrian –

human connection insults my sense/need for independence. Although right now I can feel another part of my body get extremely bored and want to relate somehow, at least to sell my art, but then again it conflicts with the need for ‘absolute’ independence.

I think many artists would empathise with you, an inability to connect to the world is a huge impetus to becoming an artist. Other means of connection seem somehow a little empty and can sometimes leave us feeling more isolated. I always remember a quote by Francis Bacon from a documentary on his life and works, which I’ll doggedly paraphrase “we cannot stitch ourselves to the ones we love, we can never be fully connected with them, and so we create art.” I will say, though, that there are many fascinating, wonderful people out there, and although many people give the impression of being extroverted socialites, sometimes these people are the most lonely.

I felt the same overwhelm when I was in college. Our situation could be different but I know how it feels to completely FREEZE.

It’s strange, isn’t it, it’s almost as though as it is happening you are aware of how absurd it is, like you’re watching yourself in the third person, rather than in the first.

Michael –

You are able to GIVE these people who are desperate and lost the gift of being able to relate to them because you have been there yourself.

Find something outside of yourself to guide you.

Thank you for your kind words. I do try to tell myself that even the most frustrating moments in life have some sort of meaning.

lafuckupartist –

I still feel lost. I want to follow my heart and trust in myself and the Universe but I still have doubt. I question my motives and am paralyzed because I don’t want to make the wrong decision. I’m literally stuck between what I’m told this reality is about and what I spiritually feel it is about. I’m tired of being judged for making decisions most would deem irrational. I too have been diagnosed with a mental disorder, bi polar, but I don’t feel crazy. I honestly feel sane in a world that is entirely off its rocker.

I have spoken to people with serious “mental health problems” and, honestly, often these people are more in tune with themselves than the supposed “healthy, balanced” people. You can give into your gut and follow the universe, it’s just whether or not you can accept that by doing this you will face many obstacles. I wonder, is there a way you could somehow find a half-way mark? Like, find a job that allows you make ends meet, but somehow have your own outlet as well? I’m sorry to hear you’ve had so many difficulties. As long as your intentions are for the greater good for yourself and for those closest to you, I have a feeling things will turn out okay for you.

lifetake2 –

It’s no way to live, when you’re just existing, is it? Perhaps during these times we need to syphon off thirty minutes a day to try to reach our centre. Because we are not the thoughts in our head, but the silent witness behind them.

Thank you all. x