Forum Replies Created
April 20, 2015 at 11:20 am #75583
Oh man, I am really sorry that you are going through this. I kind of went through a similar experience and I have some advice on how I got over it. My girlfriend dumped me about 6 months ago….it was extremely painful especially because I had to see her every other day. Not only did I have to see her but I had to see her with her new love interest. Man, it was painful as hell and I had no choice…I had to see them.
At this same time I just started a new career. Starting that new career was extremely scary and extremely difficult for me, physically and mentally. it was so demanding. There were times where I was paralyzed with fear of going to this new job and didn’t know if I could even do it anymore. 6 months have passed and I still have this new job. It’s still challenging for me but I know that I can do it and I’m not afraid of it anymore. After going through fear and hardship like that…hardship where you really have to dig deep to prevail your mindset changes…after climbing Mount Everest you feel like you can climb any mountain because all other mountains don’t compare.
Once I finally got over the fear and pain from this new career choice, I realized I could conquer pretty much anything that life has thrown at me because I have climbed my Mount Everest. And after that, I was finally over my breakup.
So my advice to you is to find something that you’re afraid of and live there. Find something that challenges you and conquer it. And it doesn’t have to be “Mount Everest” because even the best climbers have to start somewhere. And the mental strength you get from this may help you for the rest of your life.April 20, 2015 at 10:28 am #75578
Hello my friend,
When I graduated high school I felt the same way as you, the urge to go live a life full of adventure and mystery but I was afraid. What if it didn’t work out? hell I didn’t even know what I could do to make this possible. The truth was was that I was scared, I was scared of making any changes in my life because I was afraid of making a mistake. So I settled for a job behind a desk. It was great pay, great security, and great benefits. A phenomenal company, really. I was comfortable. But deep down I knew it wasn’t right, I was not happy, I was just content. 8 years later…that feeling that I had (the one you are feeling now) had not gone away…it was multiplied. I finally decided to make a big life change. I am still in the beginning of this change and I am terrified, I have so much self-doubt but I know I have to fight these feelings to get what I want…I know it might not be the right decision but I am okay with that because I am no longer going to settle for a life that I don’t want.
Please remember that for me these feelings you’re feeling never went away. They only multiplied. My only regret was not making a change sooner in my life…
If you want I can provide you an E-mail and we can chat more.January 13, 2015 at 7:31 am #71209
“I do not know who I am or what I am doing here. I feel I am unable to “give” anything to anyone, although I would like a meaningful job that does give me the opportunity to help others. I want to do something to turn my life around. I am lost.”
This really stuck out at me. You have SO much to give, way more than you can even see. I am truly sorry for all of your despair and helplessness but as previous post have said, you are not alone. You have (and still are) gone through an experience that many people have and are going through as well. I cant relate and help those people as much as you can because I have not been in your situation. You are able to GIVE these people who are desperate and lost the gift of being able to relate to them because you have been there yourself.
Find something outside of yourself to guide you
…all those people that you have not met yet that may meet who may need your story to know how to handle their own a little better.
And as for being lost: “Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves” -Henry David ThoreauNovember 17, 2014 at 5:43 pm #68007
Thank you for sharing your story. I am younger but I have been going through a similar situation that I hope you can relate to. About 2 and a half years ago I met an extreamly beautiful girl, I was 22 and she was 19. I was intrigued that she was younger and “hot”. We hit it off right away. a few months down the road I started seeing her real personality. She was rude to my friends, people on the street, waiters and waitresses. She would fly off the handle really easily. She also had a lot of baggage, just self esteem issues and normal life issues that a more mature person is used to. she came to me with all of her problems and I would give her advice or just fix them myself, I had someone dependant on me and she would tell me that she was so madly in love with me and it fell nice…for my ego at least. But I started to feel resentment towards her because it was just problem after problem and before we went out I was already expecting her to be rude to some one so I was on edge all the time. Finally I started trying to get her to be more independent and start being responsible for herself, she looked at this as controlling (and I can admit that it was to a certain point). finaly when I stopped providing all of things for her and tried to help her be more dependant, she left me. I was in love with the idea of her as you put it. She was hot and she loved me more than the world but ultimately she was mean and she really had some work to do on herself. I now know that I will never let another relationship go on the way that one did. I will never date someone solely because of their looks and I will never let a relationship to on longer than it should. we learn so much more from our failures than or success. As long as you learn from what you believe to be your mistakes, then I think it has been a victory.November 17, 2014 at 5:18 pm #68006
Regarding the depression that you feel towards your family. Is it that you can’t forgive them or is it just that they are not pleasant people to be around (whether it be that they are negative or unable to love themselves etc.)? I love my family dearly but they are all depressing for me to be around. They’re negative, self loathing, drug addicts, and un-ambitious. But I love them and I forgive them for all of their problems because they are doing the best they can. I just can’t be around them because they bring me down and I see nothing wrong with that. Correct me if this doesn’t relate to you.
I think you may have kind of answered your own question…”I want unconditional love for myself and others…” The mental block is not having unconditional love for yourself. I believe that you have to find that love in yourself first before you can feel that for anyone else. I have started seeking that love for myself just recently (I relied on my ex for that love). Spend time by yourself and get to know your self. Turn off the tv and just reflect, maybe write in your journal. Read some self help books, I have started to read “the power of positive thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale and this has changed my outlook on my self and life in general. Finding unconditional love in yourself is hard work and you have to be willing to put the effort in to it but I’ll tell you that it works. Just have faith in yourself.
In all sincerity, please keep me posted on your progress.November 17, 2014 at 4:57 pm #68005
I hope it isn’t too late but I know it might be….don’t go. If you still love him and want him back, it’s only going to torment you. I have to see my ex all the freaking time and it torments the hell out of me…and deep down I don’t even want to be back with her. You may slow down your healing process by seeing him. I know this message may reach you too late but please let us know what you decided and how you are feeling. I am genuinely interested to hear. I hope the best.November 10, 2014 at 9:49 am #67639
I am so sorry you are feeling lost like you are. I used to feel like you, lost, regret, clueless, all I wanted to do was see the world and i was stuck behind a desk. I was just floating on by waiting for something perfect to present itself to me. Finally after 8 years of feeling this way, I hit rock bottom and I realized that great things don’t spring upon us, we have to seek them out. So I made some huge changes in my life, changes that will challenge everything that I believe in and challenge me physically. I still don’t know if it is the right decision. Sometimes I get out of bed and fall to the floor and say to my self “what the hell am I doing, why am I doing this?” but I wipe off my tears and continue. I refuse to live my life thinking of what could have happened.
through this painful experience, I am able to find inspiration in places that I never would have before. and because of this inspiration, I am more determined to find out what I am really supposed to do with my life.
I’m not here to brag about my experience, I am here to tell you that it is never too late to make positive changes in your life, no matter how old you are. The hardest steps is having faith in yourself and just taking the first step. And if whatever you decide to do is not the right thing, at least you know that you tried.
I wish the very best for you, and remember…there is a solution to every problem.
P.s. – stop comparing yourself to other people. Have faith.November 4, 2014 at 6:44 am #67298
I am so happy to hear that you have a vice. Working out is my vice as well, it’s amazing how well you can feel after a good run.
I am amazed on how well you recognized the situation just from the short exchange that we have had, I was pushing her to be more self-sufficient and half the time she was resisting. I do have a better understanding of people than a lot of other people; I think one reason for that is because I consider myself a sensitive person. It’s a blessing and a curse. And I still do see the immaturity in her, I just wish I could have seen it sooner and had the courage to bail when it was necessary. I guess the old phrase “love is blind” is not far from the truth.
Right now I am practicing positive thoughts and mantras to keep the pain subsided but one thing I don’t want to do is let her actions change who I am. I still want to offer her words of encouragement and basically kill her with kindness (because that’s the person I strive to be) but I am afraid that she will feel like she can walk all over me and I am afraid I will make myself look like a sucker.
I have been reading more (I just started reading “the power of positive thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale) and I do volunteer coach which I love more than anything so I have that going for me. I also have a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend and we have had each other to lean on, which is nice as well. But like I said, I am a very sensitive person and it just pains me to find out that someone who loved me could act like this.
You have offered me some of the best words that I have heard since the breakup and I feel like I have made a friend even though we have never met.November 3, 2014 at 1:39 pm #67269
I am sorry that you have been suffering for so long. Have you talked to him about the way you feel? I am so happy to hear that you have a job that keeps your head up. I hope that you never reach a point where you do end your life. I am sure you have looked in to it but there are many support groups for that. Maybe find a really nice yoga studio? That is a great vice for me.
You hit it on the head; I suggested that she joined the military as a way to get out of the relationship. Even though I knew I wanted out I am still struggling because I HAVE to see her and this other guy. Also, we are probably not going to be at the same basic training but we are both part of the same group that trains before we go to basic training and we have months before we ship to basic. I cannot change that. And I have never really been needy to her; it was actually quite the opposite. She was the needy one always had a problem that needed fixed and I felt like I had to be the rock. I got stressed out from how immature she was and disconnected from her emotionally. I know that the relationship wasn’t going to last. I just feel betrayed and not good enough because she has been so cold and have shown no consideration towards me after she said she still wants to be friends and all that. I know I will find someone, but the pain is kind of hard to handle.