Thank you so much for taking the time and for your compassion! I really appreciate it.

This was how it happened: I was away for the weekend. He is a teacher and was on summer holidays. He just had his first car, and went to visit her. He told me only afterwords because it was spontaneous. I know this also from the messages I read later. My feeling is that he was just bored, and thought it would be nice to catch up.

They did not have contact for a while. Then they started writing again here and there, normal stuff. Then he did not reply for weeks/months. Then he wrote her that he was sorry he did not write, but that it was very difficult for him to have contact with her and it would make his life too complicated. He wrote that “back then” he wanted to be close to her, and now she is near (geographically), but the circumstances are different.
Then he had this outburst of emotions saying how exciting it could be, but wrote immediately afterwords, that it was god she was so distanced, because it made his life much easier.

I told him I read his messages, he said that if there had been anything to tell he would have told me, that it were old teenage-feelings that just excited him in that moment, that it had nothing to do with us, and that he wanted to be with me and would not stay in contact with her…

Since then our trust has suffered. He is tiptoeing around me, and I am tiptoeing around him. I try to be open with him and talk about stuff, but that is very difficult for him, even though he tries to. But my fear and my bad self esteem are bigger than anything he could say to me, and he feels constantly under pressure…

I dont want to give up on this relationship, and I know he doesnt want to either.
But after reading your comments I thought about giving us a break, so that we both can figure out how to build up trust again and I can learn how to be ok with myself and not feel so dependant…