raventrue – what you said about maybe the universe is telling me to use this as a bridge to a new life is a good point. It really resonated with me, because, you see…right now, i feel like I’m stalling in my ‘recovery’ because i feel so torn about where i should be. it’s weird being in ‘his’ country and feeling like i ‘don’t belong here’. and yes, most other people would return to their home country but my situation is a little more complicated – my home country was merely my country of birth. my army parents moved me around the globe and neither of them (now divorced) even live there. I’ve never felt that ‘connection’ to home, so in many ways the world really is my oyster (visas pending of course), but when something so earth shattering as this happens, you need and crave familiarity. i truly feel like I’m starting from scratch, not just as a newly single woman. thank you for writing what you did, i really appreciate your words and i wish you well.

christine – also, thanks, knowing I’m not alone in such a lonely process helps. youre right about the guilt factor…all these ‘should be better’, ‘should be over this’, ‘should be stronger’ crap wears me down. i used to take such pride in my strength and yet…it has been obliterated. maybe i was naive to believe anything such as a marriage could last forever. I’m not religious and our vows reflected that, but i truly did believe he was my life partner and was willing to out up with a lot of his shit (infidelity, lying0 early on in our relationship because i believed in him. we grew stronger and really got over it. yet….the struggles i fced in moving my life for him..he wasn’t willing to show me the same kinds. and I’m not sure ill ever be able to let that go.

everyone – thank you. your words are so important to me right now.