Hi,

I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been through and what you’re currently going through now. That was a fascinating read; it seems like you’ve had a particularly unique upbringing but this, of course, is where the biggest problems lies. I don’t mean to judge your parents, but it often seems that children who are brought up in ‘extremes’ tend to struggle later in life. The principles your parents followed do have some merit (the not becoming attached to everything, the being able to be alone, the meditating on profound subject), but it sounds far too radical. Human beings are fundamentally social animals. I’m a philosophy student who has read Hegel and Hegel (amongst others) writes that the hermits’ life is not for us; we need other conscious beings to fulfil our own self-consciousness. Being alone can be wonderful, but it is unhealthy if it is artificially forced upon us.

Please don’t judge yourself. Absolutely none of this is your fault and if anyone does judge you, then they’re being extremely unempathetic. I’m sure you’re an amazing, interesting person to be around, you were just deprived of the ‘normal’ framework that most child socialise within. You say you can’t ‘write well’ anymore but, trust me, you have a talent for writing and write beautifully. As for your mental health, I can’t really say much because i’m no expert, but it doesn’t make you less ‘normal’. The contrast between your upbringing, then being exposed to its complete opposite is obviously a lot to deal with. Marijuana use is seen as fairly normal, but it is a very powerful drug and paranoia is a prominent side-effect, as i’m sure you know. You’ve had to deal with so much and your perception of what life ‘should be like’ and, ultimately, who ‘you are’ has been turned upside down. We can never truly define who ‘we are’. I wish you all the best in your recovery and hope you find understanding, true friends.