Oh wow, thanks for sharing Catherine as I can see a lot of myself in what you wrote. I’ve also had a recent relationship break up where we seem to be perfect for each other in terms of appearence, intellect, hobbies and interests but for some reason it just didn’t work. I too tried everything I could to make it work and after reflecting upon it for a bit, I think this is the crux of the issue. Sounds crazy right but hear me out.

When we try to make things work, we usually do this by presenting our best side, which in some way say that we are not lovable if we are not perfect. The other thing is that if I tried to do everything perfect, it means that I am not comfortable in being vulnerable with the other person which lead her to being guarded around me as well. So even though most of our encounters were pleasent and civilized, it’s more like how friends behaviour around each other instead of lovers.

The other mistake I made in that relationship was that I tried to avoid way too many confrontations. There were a couple of things that my ex did that bothered me but instead of saying something about it, I just let it slide or worst, tried to change my perception by rationalising it in my mind. Again, this is akin to saying to myself that that if I express an opinion that disagrees with her’s, she will not love me. However, by avoiding potential frictions in a relationship, there will be no fire and no matter how pleasent it is, it will eventually fade over time.

So the next time I am in a relationship, I am going to avoid over thinking and just be. If it is going to last the distance, I have to present my true self and let it develop in an organic way.