Hi Dee,
In your story I can see similarities with my story.
I’ve been in a very opening healing journey for the past 4 years and things get better, it is a very painful process but it is definitely worth it. So I would like to share my opinion about your situation.

You should consider your relationship with your parents if is not healthy not matter the fact they are your parents have not right to treat you the way they do, listen to your feelings, to your body and trust it if doesn’t feel right you should stop contact with them even if is temporarily to focus on your own recovery. Ask yourself if is healthy for your daughter to have her grandparents around, ask if those people who have treated you so badly and seem to not have remorse or regret about it are safe to be around her.

start seeing yourself from a compassionate point of view, of course we all make mistakes, those like us trained to take care or ourselves without being able to count on our caregivers tend to beat ourselves up a lot, unconditional self-love and compassion is necessary to start to heal.

Your wife seems like someone who supports you, you don’t own nothing to your birth family love is not a privilege is a right

I tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which help me a lot, and I like experimenting with holistic therapies, and get inspired by writers, speakers and so on, in my case my two favourites at the moment are Paulo Coelho, and Alejandro Jodorowsky, the second one advices practices that are symbolic and that help a lot, like for example: on a piece of paper write all the negative things that people of influence in your life told you, then burnt the paper and then cover yourself with the ashes while you say ” I transform this curses into blessings, I will develop all my possibilities and I will be triumphant, I will love and I will be loved, I bless my authentic self” well that just and idea and my translation to his words hehe.
The ways to heal are infinite so don’t give up!, I wish you the best so you unfold the live you truly want and deserve.