Ashley,

Thanks for your post! I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who does this. And you are so right, it feels like an out of body experience.

I think mine stems from (and this is going to sound weird) knowing how much progress I’ve made, but grieving the fact that not only was I treated like I didn’t matter, but that I wasn’t far enough along in my journey to know and recognize this. I guess it is just a desire to change the past, and wanting to be seen for exactly who I am, not some trauma based version of myself. Feels like a missed opportunity, and I’m having trouble getting over it. Although, I am well aware that if you spend time dwelling on missed opportunities, you will miss the ones right in front of you!

I know the right thing to do, logically, but my emotions haven’t caught up yet.