Hi Peace,

Honestly, I will never say I forgive her to her face. She has never been remorseful for anything she has done to anyone. Right now, I am resentful. It’s hard not to be. She turned my world upside down and she is the one that things are working out better for. It is very frustrating. Maybe it is because it is that time of year that everything happened and it bothers me. I haven’t had a good birthday for a while. I thought after this much time, my life would start improving, but it feels like it is going backwards. Also, I haven’t been focusing on her for a long time. Only within the past month or so, thoughts of all the crap she put me and the kids through have come up again. I don’t want to focus on anything to do with her.

Maybe it’s because I was more optimistic over the other years, and when I started dating last year, it felt like I could be with someone again soon. There were a couple of women I dated, and one that I really liked, but things didn’t work out. So here I am, alone again, and I’m going to be another year older.

I am active with my boys. I have always been there for them. Lessons, appointments, and just doing fun things with them has always been all or mostly me. I’m definitely a good dad and I know my boys appreciate me.

I don’t what it is lately. I suddenly feel like life is passing me by and I won’t find someone again. How many women want a guy who is almost to his mid-40’s and struggling financially? I know it is not all about money but I am always decent to women. When I was on a dating site a while ago, I dated a couple of women, and it didn’t work out. I kept trying after that and nothing happened for a long time, so I took a break. The funny thing is, most women write that they want a “good guy” or “are there any decent guys left out there?”
I always thought I was. I treat women with respect and when I am with a someone special, they know that they are someone special to me. I never cheated on any woman I was with. I don’t do drugs or rarely ever drink, and I think there are better ways to spend your time than hanging out in a club. That ‘nice guys finish last’ thing doesn’t seem so far fetched anymore.

I think I am just venting. There are so many people on here that are really struggling with some hard times, and I feel like I am just bitching. I don’t know how to feel about this anymore.