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No, you are neither crazy nor abusive. I am somewhat in a similar situation. My now-ex would tell me I was bipolar, he would ask which personality he is talking to. The list of things I could and could not do, bordered on ridiculous. When I confronted him and said he was abusive, he too claimed that I was the abusive one. As you have already written, mind control is a powerful tool. There were days when I felt smaller than small, when I questioned my own sanity…and I possess an undergraduate degree in Psychology, at that.
Abuse takes many forms. There doesn’t have to be physical contact for it to be considered as such.
I am so sorry you are going through this right now, same as I presently am.
The best of luck and stay strong!
Wilma