I’m not sure I agree being married or not makes such a huge difference. I think the time you’ve been together and the fact you live together should count for something.

I’m reminded of a scenario that pops up often for queer people. It goes something like this:

My lovely boyfriend/girlfriend has a homophobic family and they don’t want to know about my existence. They demand he/she goes over for all the holidays and all family dos, but I can’t come with. We’ve been together for three years now, and it sucks to be always put aside when there’s a family thing on. What do I do?

The standing advice for these situations is this: if your partner’s family is forcing them to choose between you and the family, and they don’t choose you, you take them at their word. You pack your bags and say, let me know when you’re ready to choose me.