None of this is weird. You sound like a typical person in an abusive relationship. I think we’re past the stage of looking for red flags; you’re in abuse town. I’m sorry. It’s one of the worst places to live. But it’s up to you to rally your resources, your friends, everything you know and believe in, and work on getting out of there.

Every fight blind-sides you because she’s very good at the honeymoon stage: she makes you believe that the last time was really the last time and things are going to be different now and she loves you so much. But things haven’t changed. You are both trapped in this destructive pattern, and you won’t get out until you get out.

Please educate yourself on what intimate partner violence and emotional abuse is like, and what it feels like. And if you recognise yourself, and you will, have a think about whether you should be worried about whether you’re “justified” in staying, or whether you should be making escape plans. Of course you can rationalise and justify your decision to stay. If it was easy to leave abusive relationships, if it was obvious to recognise and get out from under the “mind control” it puts on you, no one would be in abusive relationships and the whole thing wouldn’t be an issue.

Listen to yourself. You’re the victim of mind control. You wish you could just have an evening with friends, but no. That’s not the kind of relationship you’re in. You feel like life is passing you by. You’ve given up on hobbies, on working, on your social life, on living your life in general. You feel like you’re under a spell. You know you should know better. You know the cycle of better, bad, better, bad isn’t going to end until you do something radical.

You say things aren’t so bad, in general, as a whole. Really? It sounds pretty bad to me. It sure doesn’t sound like something I’d want to put up with. Tell me, how bad do things need to get before you’ll want to get out? How much more of yourself are you willing to give away before you’ll realise it’s been enough?

It doesn’t matter if she loves you. It doesn’t matter if you love her. It doesn’t matter if the good times feel like good times. This relationship is bad for you. She is bad for you. Get out.

Get out get out get out get out.