Georgev,

Your actions, behavior and mental processes, among others, are all understandable. How can a flower properly blossom without the right conditions? Likewise, how can we expect to mature into more spiritually and mentally wholesome beings without the proper care, teachings, influences, etc…? It’s no wonder so many of us have declined into more and such chaotic states as adults. And, sadly, for some of us, the damage has been so damaging and stacked so repeatedly that attempting to mend or just seeing that we need help is nearly impossible. So much chaos, confusion, unanswered questions, chemical imbalances have/are been wrought upon our beings that we/we’ve become petrified. How do we begin to make sense of things then? How do we know what to believe? What becomes right and what becomes wrong? What are the proper attitudes and behaviors? What actions should we take? What are we supposed to make of this life?

My friend, please be kinder to yourself. You are not meant to know it all. You are not meant to perfectly know how to handle every situation. You are not meant to know how to react accordingly to the unexpected. And especially so in your case. You’ve endured much in your childhood and adolescense. It is then normal for you to have triggers you believe are destructive hence do not berate yourself when they occur nor do not believe you must chastise yourself (mentally). These triggers have a reason for their existence. So how do we combat these triggers? We must find their root causes and dissect them. Unfortunately, to put it in your words, “easier said than done” for sometimes dissecting them yields nothing. We must not despair, however. The important thing we must remember is that we are seeking. To ‘seek’ is an action. A wholesome action. To do nothing, however, is the opposite. So long as we continue to seek we will continue to grow. With this said, even if you believe you are at a crossroad, you are not. Perhaps, even consider yourself ‘in early development’; that you are still molding yourself into your masterpiece. You’ve only just begun and are still an amateur. However, staying diligent will surely yield great (and surprising) results and eventually turn you into a master. And so, with this also said, again, please be kinder to yourself. As you read in my other post, answers to significant questions behest significant time, contemplation and searching therefore do not languish when answers do not immediately come. The pace of your journey is exactly as it should be. And, do not be too harsh on yourself when you believe you are wrong. A lesson will be taught either way hence you could say you are always winning. As for your troubles with accepting employment, try to see it as a new venture despite your beliefs and go forth. It is only by being exposed to new environments and experiences that we are able to gather the necessary informations that we need to help guide our lives and also in establishing our existence.

I hope I made sense and I hope this helps. Please do not hesitate to ask me for anything you find difficult to understand. Also please forgive me if I’ve made any grammatical errors as I am using my phone to reply.

Your friend,

Al