Hey,

Yep, you figured right. I’m afraid that’s the way it is. I know, it’s a bummer isn’t it! And yes, it’s hard at first but after a while you’ll be glad you did it. Just so you’re ready for it, you’ll also fall back into the hole often at first, but each time it gets easier to get out and with time you’ll be climbing mountains rather than caving hehe. You’re actually doing well at your age to have the self-awareness that you’ve been kidding yourself all this time – that’s what most people are doing for most of their lives so congrats to you. A few other points:

1. The sooner you can let go of those friends who clearly don’t care the better. I’m talking from experience here. I know you might be afraid of loneliness, but you are still better without them. Such people will drag/keep you down. Make an effort to establish contact with the true friends you said you have.

2. If you really do not want to be at school and you are genuinely not enjoying the course then leave. Yes, I know, I’ve been there, 1 yr into a 4 yr uni course and I didn’t want to be there. I stayed, but now I’m older and wiser and I can now say that anybody in a similar position asking what they should do, it’s a no-brainer to me. I know, all the what-ifs and the ‘but what about all the money and time invested already’, and the ‘but what about getting a job’, but none of that matters if what you are doing is making you miserable.

3. By the sounds of it you have direct access to an excellent teacher. Talk to your brother, open up and share with him. Spend as much time around him as you can. Do something to make it happen, visit him one weekend. Yes, maybe you never visit your brother so it might seem a bit strange, doesn’t matter, do it anyway.

4. Do some vigorous exercise a few times per week. This is important. I know you probably don’t feel like it right now, but it can help a lot.

5. Try doing some mind-body type practice – this is probably the most powerful thing that can help you I’d say. I strongly recommend enrolling yourself in a yoga class for a month. Yes, you will have to invest the money in yourself. Meditation is also very powerful, do that too – that’s free, watch a video on YouTube, don’t get bogged down by all the different types, just start off with the basic one, i.e. sit upright, take a few deep breaths, close your eyes and just follow your breaths as you breathe normally. Just concentrate on the movement of your breath in and out for 15 mins, set an alarm clock. Do this daily. If you want to sleep extra well then do 10min before bed. Often you can go to bed and your body is ready but your mind is still busy thinking about stuff. Meditation puts an end to this.

Forget about not being bothered, feeling too lazy to do it, just do it.

Start where you are. Accept where you are. You can start over right now, you don’t need to go anywhere or change anything outside of you right away. Take your time.

All the best,

Ben.