Hi,

Those things really don’t matter. Sure, there’s no denying the fact that if you’re tall, dark and handsome then you will get more attention from the ladies in clubs, and probably everywhere really, just as a woman who looks like a Barbie doll will have lots of guys chasing her. But the thing to realise is that all those people giving the attention are attracted for superficial reasons, and as such don’t really like the real you, are not pursuing you because of who you are as a person. Sure, you can go out with these people, but the whole thing is just shallow and you are better off without it. When I think about the people I’ve been most attracted to in my life, on a deep level not just looks, it’s like their appearance was just secondary to what was really attracting me. In other words, the relationships really worth having are those where there is a true spark, not some superficial surface level attraction, which leads to an inevitably unfulfilling situation – I’ve experienced this and I’ve spoken to others who have too – you’re better off without it.

In time, you will learn to be OK with who you are and I’ve observed time and time again that this is very attractive to others. People who you would judge to have no chance with women based on their physical appearance can do amazingly well because they are so self-accepting. But to be honest, I don’t think you even need to worry about any of this full stop, including attracting a woman, period. Why I say this is, ask yourself why this important to you? Why do you want/need a woman? You think it will feel good, make you happy, be fulfilling or something right. Well yes it will be all those things, but it still won’t be enough. There will still be a yearning for more. The highest happiness and fulfilment cannot be attained from someone else (or anything external for that matter), seek that instead. If you do that you will come to a place where you no longer need a woman. Incidentally, you will be more attractive because you no longer need it, knowing that can be a good incentive in itself to get there, but once you start to experience this deepest happiness, having a woman really won’t be a priority anymore, it won’t be that drain on your energy which it probably is now. This has been my experience. This also opens the way to the most healthy relationship, when two people no longer need each other, since they are already full by themselves. Therefore, there is only a giving, an exchange, rather than a selfish taking to fill your own lack. This is what true love is. If you look around, you will see that most relationships out there are pretty co-dependent because most people don’t do the inner work.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by AikiBen.