Oh, honey. I just want to hug you. You sound so trapped and helpless.

I think there are things that you could do differently to improve the situation. Heh. Which is not to say I blame you for your niece being a thief (that’s on her obviously) but reading only a little between the lines it seems you may be a little passive agressive about it.

If you have good reason to think your niece has something that belongs to you, confront her. Don’t eavesdrop, don’t talk to everyone else first, get her and her mother in a room together and say there’s something you want to talk about. Try to stay calm and factual. “I think you have this thing. It is mine, and if you have it you should give it back.”

Don’t ever eavesdrop. Nothing useful can be gained from that, it’s drama-generating behaviour. Just don’t. Don’t sit around trying to build a case against her, you’re not going to court. She’s family. You just want your stuff back. If you want a more harmonious relationship with your family, act in a harmonious way.

Second point: acting in a harmonious way and being peaceful does not mean letting people get away with taking and breaking your stuff. What you’re looking for is the space between silence and having a relationship wrecking screaming fit/inquisition. That space is called assertiveness. “I’m not angry, I just don’t think it’s right that you constantly use my make up and I want it to stop. Now tell me what you want.”

Also don’t take cues from your father. Don’t hide your stuff so other people won’t use it. That’s childish. Be the mature one.

I would advise you to read up on assertiveness and non-violent communication, and practice these things. I think it can improve the situation with your family, but more importantly, it will give you important skills you’ll use for the rest of your life.

I hope my message doesn’t make you feel angry or attacked. You’re very young yourself, and you may not have the best examples. It’s perfectly natural that you haven’t learned how best to communicate in these kinds of situations. You haven’t done anything wrong. But doing something different may have good results.

I hope things work out.