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Sorry this affected you so badly. I’ve had bad experiences with animals like that too. I’m a farmer and I have also dealt with those feelings. Bringing animals to slaughter ( ones I have raised) is very hard . I’ve hunted, slaughtered, AND birthed nearly everything that’s walked or crawled at one time or another. It’s part of life and its just how we stay alive. Living close to those realities makes us truly understand life. The life that so many lead is artificial, removed from the truly brutal, beautiful, natural world. Thats why there are so many unhappy people with problems that they just cannot express. They’ve lost their way. You were not in touch with reality before you killed the moose. That brief encounter with the real world shocked you deeply, because you were so far removed from it.
I recommend getting back into nature. Go hiking, canoeing, whatever. Watch nature. Watch the birds catch their dinner. Plant a garden. Then go fishing. Scale, gut, and eat your fish. Do this regularly. This is where food comes from. This is what sustains your life. Food is not meant to come in a bag, from a store. Its an abomination that the majority of people get their food this way. Its all artificial and is too far removed from life.
Kirk