Hi Roaroha, thank you for taking the time to read my post, I am truly sorry you have had the experiences you describe, no one deserves to burden another’s pain and anger, particularly not from the person who gave them life. I admire your courage and if you came to me as a friend with your story I would advise you to take care of yourself the way you describe. When you feel guilt or doubt in yourself remind yourself how you advised me in the same situation 🙂 It is hard for us to take our own advice though eh! I understand about narcissistic abuse, I believe my Dad is narcissistic, he seems only to be able to see himself in the world and has no concept of how his behaviour affects me or my brother and sister. He took an overdose when I was a child shortly after his father died, when I did the same after a relationship breakdown he said he did it because he had real problems, that I didn’t have any where near his justification. He also said, whilst drunk that he wished I’d been successful :(. I’ve just had a call from my stepmother to say he has been diagnosed with stomach cancer. We’re not surprised after all the years of smoking and drinking. I don’t know about you but I believe we have a responsibility to the people we love to try to keep ourselves well. Every can of beer or cigarette has taken a little bit of him away from us. My stepmother is strong and she keeps him going, at times she is cold but their relationship works so I know he is not completely alone. I found myself saying to her that I wanted to see him because that is what I think is the right thing to do, but I don’t want to see him. I feel angry with him, which is hard because I am normally compassionate and kind. I turned the conversation around and said it would be better for me to wait until he has a full diagnosis and we know where he will be. My stepmother didn’t encourage me to come and I felt bad as it sounded like excuses. It is a long way away and will cost time, money and emotions that drain the life I’ve built up on my own. I feel like a terrible person and I go over and over in my head the things they probably say about me but I need to put it in perspective . . . My stepmother described this evening how my dad doesn’t think he has the will to fight this, she told him he has too for the people who need him, their close personal friends and their dogs . . . no mention of his daughter or my brother and sister who have both been neglected and abused by him. He closed the door on his children a long time ago, maybe it’s time for me to lock it shut!